


Mingyu Shorts

by hansolvernanon



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Body Image, Body Worship, Breeding Kink, Choking, College, Daddy Kink, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Pothead Seventeen, Smut, body image issues, kpop, overweight reader, plus size, plus size reader, this fic is a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 23,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25037014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hansolvernanon/pseuds/hansolvernanon
Summary: this was original short story pieces based on a plus size mc who is struggling with her weight and kim mingyu of seventeen who is struggling with finding himself, college AU. it is of course, still that, but i'm hoping to flesh it out more. all warnings will be in the beginning of each chapter. always in progress. definitely switches between the you/i and she/her, but no matter which it is, it's still about ~you~ STARTED (7/2/20)
Relationships: Chwe Hansol | Vernon/You, Jeon Wonwoo/Reader, Kim Mingyu/You, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	1. The Here and Now

**Author's Note:**

> this is a collection of mostly un-chronologically ordered short stories about Kim mingyu. please understand the UN-chronological part of what I just said because I have no idea what the order of these is, but I hope to make them chronological in the future. (find it all on Tumblr @Mingyu-Shorts), but please bear with me, while I create an actual timeline.
> 
> THE CHAPTERS WILL PROBABLY BE SHORT AT FIRST PLEASE KNOW THAT I AM TRYING.

“Take one, chapter one, An Introduction,” she spoke into a small black hand-held recorder, “It’s always on rainy days when I should be focused on other things, that I have the aching urge to write. Never do I ache to write anything productive, just the thoughts that clutter my brain and right now the only thing on my mind is the boy that is about to come knocking on my door obnoxiously,” for a moment she pulled the recorder away from her face, gathering her thoughts. A timely progression of aggressive knocks could be heard on the door. She chuckled to herself, “Coming! One second loser,” her voice distant one moment and the next it was so close you could hear her almost nervous breaths. “No one will ever understand the pain of being in love with someone who very obviously was not made for them,” she whispered. “Most people struggle to even find out what love means to them. I wish I had that problem, instead, I’m in love with one Kim Mingyu. My best fucking friend.” A sad sigh is heard, followed by shuffling, and the creak of bedsprings as she scrambles off the bed and through her house to the front door.

Quickly, she opened the door and looked up at the tall boy in front of her. Trying not to be obvious, she let her lingering eyes trail up his grey sweatpant clad legs, to his broad chest covered only by a thin long sleeve shirt, and finally to his bright brown eyes. A smile spread across her face, quite literally her cheeks burnt up as she noticed his gentle smirk. The pretty flames of happiness danced between the corners of her upturned lips and her now rainbow shaped eyes. Mingyu couldn’t help but feel the precious burn of her contagious flames. His eyes sparked with a genuine joy that she had decided long ago, only his eyes could carry. The gentle smirk that once decorated his lips turned into a beautiful painting exposing the small dimple on his upper cheek and his perfect teeth.

“So much for hurrying here.”

Mingyu chuckled, his eyes rolling, “ Shut up, I got here in less than 10 minutes.”


	2. Smoke

“Since when do you smoke?” she asked, her eyes never leaving the cigarette that balanced between his full, but chapped lips. 

“I don’t know,” he replied with a shrug, “one day I wasn’t smoking, and then one day I was.” 

“Lots of things seem to be happening like that recently,” she sighed, finally looking away as her eyes followed the smoke that drifted through the air and towards the stars that danced above them. 

“Yeah, one day you loved me and then one day you didn’t.”


	3. Matter Baby

“Would you rather eat a four-day-old hotdog or a matter baby?”

The question comes out of nowhere. It’s been months since the two of them have talked and even longer since she’d heard a playful cheer wrap around the sultry syllables that his mouth created. They both leaned against the railing on the top of the building where they stood and stared out at the city below. Her hair whipped around in the wind as she giggled. A small smile making its way to his lips as she shook her head and fought back a smile of her own. 

“What’s a ‘matter baby’” and then she caught it. 

“Nothin’ what’s the matter with you?” He slung his arm around her shoulders to pull her close. She rolled her eyes and glanced up at him. 

The smiles fell slowly from each of their faces as the realisation hit. Time did not heal all. Time could not fix a broken heart nor could it reverse love. Time was not omnipotent and all-knowing. Time was just a concept, it wasn’t fact or fiction, it couldn't disappear, but sometimes it did stop. Sometimes it came to a world-shattering halt. When her lips met his, she remembered that time was relative, at least to a point, and that even if the first kiss came to an end and he pulled away; she could always pull him back and start all over again. So she did. Because who needs air when she could just breathe him in instead. Who would want to spend any more time apart when she could finally just meld into his broad chest and keep her lips connected to his forever. 

See, Mingyu started the kiss. He was the one that initiated the intimate moment. The one that let his eyes wander for too long. The one that closed the distance, but she decided that it would be up to her when it would end. It was when they pulled apart the second time that she realised she would always be stuck stopping time for the silly man that would always start it.


	4. Groceries

“Gyu,” she started speaking, with a pout already on her lips, “I need to go grocery shopping.” 

The two of them were sprawled out on the couch in comfy clothes. Her in underwear and his old high school varsity hoodie, him in his Calvin’s and gym shorts, no shirt. Another Summer day spent doing absolutely nothing and she couldn’t take it anymore. Mingyu ran his hand through his floppy hair and sighed dramatically. Before he could protest she was already getting up. 

He tried to grab her wrist to pull her back down, but she slapped his hand away playfully and blew a raspberry in his direction before holding out both of her hands to help pull him off of the couch. He rolled his eye at her child-like antics but grabbed her hands nonetheless. 

With a grunt, Mingyu rose up from the couch and she giggled, “As much as I love all of this,” she gestured to his uncovered chest, “I’m going to have to ask you to put clothes on immediately.” 

“But I am wearing clothes,” he said with a smirk as he gestured to the bottom half of his body. 

“You aren’t wearing enough clothes,” she sighed, “and neither am I. I’ll be back in fifteen minutes and you better be fully dressed.” It was a demand spoken through puckered lips and a threatening gaze, but he laughed anyway. Mingyu knew that she wasn’t even capable of killing a fly without feeling bad, so even if he did face consequences they would never be anything too severe. Regardless he responded with an “I only need ten,” and walked to his room to get dressed.

An hour later, the two of them were stood in front of the produce going back and forth about whether or not they should get pre-sliced vegetables and in the middle of the playful bickering, as the fluorescent lights lit her face in the most unflattering of ways, catching every shadow and dark circle, he decided that he was in love with her in a way he wished he couldn’t be because he knew his love only ever brought heartbreak.


	5. Hide and Seek

At night, when she is left lying alone in her bed, the sheets askew, her loud mind being lulled by the sound of the bustling traffic below, the moon high in the sky reflecting brilliant and full, she often thinks of the night she first got high with him. She was never one to smoke weed or do drugs of any sort, it just wasn’t her. However, that night she found herself sitting next to Mingyu on the floor of his apartment's living room. Their backs pressed up against the couch as she watched him skillfully roll the blunt. 

“You know,” she said, before clearing her throat, “I’ve never done something like this before.” 

Mingyu chuckled quietly, bringing the paper to his mouth and licking it, before sealing it off and laying it on the coffee table in front of them, “Wow, that is truly a fact that baffles me.” 

His response made her scoff lightly and he rolled his eyes. The silence settled again as he got up and went on the hunt for a lighter. He soon returned and plopped back down beside her, crossing his legs. When he grabbed the blunt off the table and turned to his friend, making her heart beat a little faster in her chest. 

For Mingyu, it was easy to see she was nervous. Her posture got a little straighter and she began to fidget with her fingers. If anyone asked him, he’d swear that if they listened hard enough they’d be able to hear her heart beating wildly in her chest. 

“Before you smoke any of this, you need to calm down mkay?’ 

She nodded, taking a deep breath and trying to regain composure. Nothing was going to go wrong, she told herself, everything would be fine because she was with her best friend. 

An hour and two blunts later, they had moved the coffee table and were splayed out on the floor, giggling at nothing. The traffic below was loud and the only light source came from the bright and full moon through an open window. When their giggling died down and they were blanketed by comfortable silence Mingyu spoke. 

“I think I like you.”

His sentence hung in the air, each syllable twisting and winding through the air into her ears and swirling around her brain. It was hard to understand what he said, but regardless she got it eventually. 

“Why did you say it like it was a bad thing?” 

“Because I’m not supposed to like girls like you.” His answer was quick, but his voice was shaky. 

“Like me,” she repeated to herself, but he thought she was asking for clarification.

“Weird girls, that make dumb puns and dance around their house in only their underwear despite the fact that they are-” Mingyu’s voice trailed off and when his slowly spoken words registered in her lethargic brain, she finished the sentence for him. 

“Despite the fact that they are fat, right?” It was a question, but she didn’t need his answer. She knew what he meant as soon as he said it and if she wouldn’t have been high as a kite, her heart would have been shattered. 

They let the silence stretch on until finally…

“I’m not supposed to like guys like you either.” 

Mingyu turned his head to look at her, but she just continued staring at the ceiling, “You’re an asshole, that plays sports and is popular. We even hide our friendship at school because you’re so afraid and I shouldn’t like boys that are afraid of everyone.” 

“But aren’t you afraid of everyone too?” he asks. Anyone who heard him speak could tell that he was on the verge of tears. 

“I’m never afraid enough to change how I dress or hide the people that I talk to. I’m never scared enough to stop acting how I would normally act because as much as I care about everyone and their opinions, at some point I decided that I would have to say ‘fuck it’ and live the best way I can. Cause I’m sad Mingyu,” she doesn’t know when she started crying but suddenly the tears were rolling down her face, “I’m sad and tired. I just wanna be happy and if liking you makes me happy then that is what I’m going to do and I’m not going to hide it anymore.” 

Mingyu has never cried in front of anyone other than his mother when his father left them, but there he was laying on the floor next to his secret best friend, crying his eyes out and she didn’t look at him even once. 

“I’ll stop hiding it too,” he choked out. 

But that was a lie, just like most of the things he would come to tell her. Mingyu lived his life like a constant game of hide-and-seek. You could either join the game or leave his life and despite her being a wonderful team sport, she couldn’t be left playing forever.


	6. The L Word

Mingyu would never tell any of his girlfriends that he loved them. In every relationship he ever had, no matter the length of it and no matter the genuine interest he had, he would never tell a girl he loved her. But he told her.

She was just joking at first. Mingyu told her a joke and she laughed so hard she couldn’t even breath and in between her tiny gasps for air, she playfully said “I fucking love you dude” and he replied. He said “I love you too,” with the straightest face. He said the L-word, that he had once told her was the sole reason he hated Valentine’s day. Mingyu said the L word that no one but his own mother, had ever heard him say. He took her weightless banter and turned it into a heavy confession. Kim Mingyu sucked the laughter right out of her empty lungs and lush body and when their eyes met she knew he meant it. She knew Mingyu meant it with every fibre of his being, meant it more than he knew he had the capability of meaning anything.

That is the moment he became her entire world. As soon as he painted her a galaxy, she went and made him the centre of it.


	7. Herself

The first night he left her, the only thing she could think of was missing him. Her thoughts occupied solely by the way his arms wrapped around her, the way his fingers traced each of her stretch marks when she cried about her weight, how his side of the bed felt as if it had moulded perfectly to his shape and without him there it wouldn’t know what to do with its cold emptiness. 

Within the first week of him being gone, she had thought of him every single second she was awake. Every time she took a breath, she wondered if he was taking one too. If she thought about him hard enough she could hear his voice or smell his cologne, a soft sound, a light fragrance, both quickly wisped away in the chilling winds of December. 

By the time a few months had passed, her thoughts of him became fleeting. It wasn’t that she didn’t miss him, she just found herself thinking about that pain less. She woke up every day for herself. She took longer showers and wore her hair all-natural and curly. She danced around her empty apartment blaring music that he hated, not because she knew he hated it, but because it just sounded really fucking good. She ate food that made her happy, wore clothes that made her happy, and at some point in all of that happiness she began living for herself. 

That was when he came back. When she had finally begun making progress for herself, he walked back into her life. It was an accidental text, one typed early in the morning when the only people awake were up to no good. The type of message that only the haze of alcohol could provide the confidence to type. She allowed herself to imagine those digital letters as actual words falling from his beautiful lips in an unfiltered slur. Each word heavy on his tongue, but an apology nonetheless. 

A drunken apology was all it took for her to forget who she was again and maybe that was because Mingyu always left as if he had never been gone at all. He left as if he would come back and when he did come back, it was always at the exact moment that she had realised she could do things on her own. He left with the bed unmade and the smell of his favourite cologne wafting through the apartment. He left with his favourite shirt still on its hanger, still on his side of the closet, untouched. He left with the television on, volume up, playing his show and as soon as she was finally ready to turn it off or pack up his things, he came back. Mingyu never fully left and she could never fully heal.


	8. Daddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> g e n r e - s m u t
> 
> w a r n i n g s -dom mingyu, daddy kink, breeding kink, degrading, explicit language, light bondage, orgasm denial, fingering, JUST FILTHY FILTHY SMUT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is written with a plus-size reader in mind. anyone, of course, can read it, and i highly encourage it because i worked hard on this piece, but there needs to be a common understanding that there will be no dramatic throwing of anyone through a wall or anything lmao. like the plus-size community is hella underrated and i hope that i do all my babies justice. also please leave feedback if you have any. also please do not engage in unprotected sex unless you are in a long term relationship with a trustworthy partner. that being said please enjoy sex as much as you want with the use of aforementioned protection!

Sex with Mingyu was all fire and passion. There was no such thing as gentleness when they had sex. In all honesty, sex seemed too kind a word and fuck didn’t seem rough enough. It wasn’t good for him unless her face was left adorned with running mascara, dried tears, and an expression that let you know she had been used. He fucked like a wild animal in heat, all bark and bite. Gnashing teeth and snarls in her ear. A tease naturally, she was left begging for all that she wanted. The pet name Daddy dripping like saliva from her swollen lips. 

He stared down at her beautiful body, all voluptuous curves and deep breaths, chest heaving. Her arms bound to the headboard leaving her fully on display. A meal for his eyes and he was happy to dive in. Words flowing from his mouth, the sound of liquid sin. 

“Tell Daddy what you need baby girl,” he commanded, a mischievous glint in his almost black eyes. 

Mingyu took so much pleasure in watching her suffer sexually. In his mind, she was his and only his to absolutely ruin and so he would do just that. He bent his body down and positioned himself between her fleshy thighs, placing hickies and rough kisses on each and every inch of them. Soft moans leaving her lips as her hips jerk upwards uncontrollably. 

He sits up and tsks in feign disappointment, “Awe c’mon baby, you know better than to move like that.” 

She scrambles to find the words in her already fucked out mind, “Daddy please,” she sniffles in frustration, “please just fuck me. I can’t take it anymore!” 

A sadistic smile spreads across his face, “Oh? Now you know that’s not true,” without warning he shoves two of his fingers into her already abused heat. Mingyu leans over her, letting his lips drop to her ear, “You will be my stupid little cum slut and take everything a give you, won’t you bitch?” 

She would love to answer, but she is too far gone to remember anything other than ‘Daddy’. He thrusts his fingers faster, watching her eyes roll back into her head as she clenched around him, nearing her fourth orgasm. 

“Don’t you dare cum again, I’ve been too nice to you tonight.” He continues his assault on her dripping heat. 

She whimpers and screws her eyes shut, trying to think of anything other than his long thick fingers pumping in and out of her. “You look so pretty kitten,” he purrs. It’s not long until her body betrays her and she cums, coating his fingers in her slick. He fingers her through her high, before removing his digits and licking them clean. He lets a content sigh fall from his lips as he stands and strips himself of the Calvin Klein boxers that were keeping his cock hidden away. Crawling back towards her, he made quick work of untying her wrists and repositioning her so that she was sitting. Her freedom did not last for long, as he was quick to bound her wrists again, only this time behind her back. The tip of his member only centimetres from her mouth causing it to water. 

“Since you disobeyed me,” he spoke as he brushed her hair away from her face, “you’re going to open this pretty little mouth for me and I’m gonna fuck your throat until I’m satisfied.” Mingyu brushed his hand down the side of her flushed, chubby cheeks and let his thumb rub against her bottom lip. She obeyed quickly. As soon as she opened her mouth, he was inside of it. His salty cock, heavy on her tongue and she loved it. Unable to resist him in any way, he fucked her mouth ruthlessly. Every time she gagged around his length, he couldn’t help but let out a groan. Dirty praises flowed through the air as he neared his own climax and despite not wanting to stop he did. Pulling his dick out of her mouth with a pop, he smirked as he met her teary eyes. Her needy expression was absolutely delectable. 

“I’m sorry baby girl, I couldn’t just let that cum go to waste, not when I could fuck it into you instead.” The words made her tremble and he wasted no time, pulling her back down so that she was lying, and he could line himself up in between her legs. He pushed his entirety into her, leaving her no time to adjust, and started in at a steady pace, unable to control himself when his member was wrapped tightly in her heat. Mingyu was absolutely feral, and despite the discomfort, she felt from the awkward position of her bound arms, his thrusts left her screaming out in pleasure and in pain of overstimulation. He couldn’t get enough of how she took all of him each time, eventually flipping her over just so he could watch her ass bounce as he fucked her into the mattress. 

Drool pooled underneath her as she called out for her Daddy to fuck her harder, her wrists straining against the rope that was still wrapped tightly around her wrists. Mingyu grabbed her hair pulling her head up. 

“Fuck, look at how pathetic you look. I’m going to fill you up with my kids and you’ll take every drop, won’t you baby girl? You’ll take all of me into your tight, little pussy. You’ll look so pretty all swollen and pregnant.” 

“Please Daddy, fill me with your cum,” she cried out as he let go of her hair and let his hands instead grip her hips roughly. Easily bruising her as he fucked her harder. 

“Daddy I’m close.” she moaned out, but he already knew from the way her heat was pulsing around him. 

“Fuck, me too baby. I’m gonna fill you so good,” he groans as she came around his length and he quickly followed in suit. He continued thrusting into her, using her to milk his own cock until he is sure he has pumped every drop of cum into her. 

Without pulling out, he untied her wrists and leaned down to kiss them gently. 

“You look so pretty like this you know? All fucked out and full of my cum. The only thing stopping it from pouring out of you and down your beautiful thighs is my half-hard cock.” His hands leaving her wrists to knead her tender, love bite marked thighs. When she convulses around him, he moans out a soft fuck before finally, slowly, pulling out of her. 

Mingyu bites his lip as he watches his cum drip down her legs. He tears himself away and walks over to the bathroom. Soon he comes back with a warm towel and begins cleaning her in silence. Despite the roughness he had fucked her with his aftercare is soft and careful. He taps her butt, gently signalling that she can finally let her overworked and weak body collapse onto the bed. After cleaning himself up he throws the towel in the dirty clothes hamper and makes his way back to the bed. He quickly slides into bed next to her and adjusts to accommodate her comfort level. Mingyu runs his hands lazily over her plush and ample body, caressing the hills of her flesh. Normally she would complain and push away, but she was too spent to fuss and the feeling of his hands on her body as he whispered sweet nothings was enough to lull her into a sleep that was deep and content.


	9. I Think of You

“You know, I think about you a lot.” 

He said this matter-of-factly, in the middle of her favourite movie. She was so engrossed in the scenes before her, that she almost didn’t hear him. Without looking away from the television she responded with a sarcastic, “Yea I’m sure.” 

Mingyu was staring into the side of her head, if he would have stared any harder there would have been two holes the size of his range of vision, burning into her profile. When she refused to meet his gaze, he eventually looked away. Leaning his head back on the couch, closing his eyes, he spoke again. 

“It’s true, you know.” 

His words hung limply in the air, they buzzed in her ears like a fly, pesky, annoying, and always around during the worst times. 

She sighed, grabbing the remote from the coffee table in front of them and pausing the movie, “Mingyu, why are you saying this now.” 

It was his turn to ignore her stares. Even with his eyes closed, he could feel their coldness. Biting back a shiver, he let his head lull to the side as he slowly opened his eyes and answered her question with a shrug. 

“Oh for fuck's sake,” she groaned. She was tired of him telling her sweet things because every time he did, they left a bitter aftertaste. 

“Listen, I just wanted to let you know that you are on my mind a lot. More than I want you to be,” as he spoke she rolled her eyes, “and not just in sexual ways.” 

“Oh my god, Mingyu!” 

“No! Just listen! Sometimes it will be at 2 in the afternoon when I’m out with the guys or at practice and I know I should be focused on the conversations or memorizing plays, or sometimes,” he paused as he looked back up at the ceiling, “sometimes it’s at 4 in the morning when everything is quiet and the only thing awake is the moon and the stars and I will get lost in thoughts about you. How your hair smells, the way your lips curve into a smile when you aren’t mad at me. If I listen closely to the wind it calms me the same way your breathing does when your head is on my chest.”

“You know you saying all of this bullshit isn’t going to undo what you did, right?” 

“It meant nothing with her,” he exclaimed with exasperation. 

“If we weren’t roommates I would kick you out.”

“I’ve apologised so many times, don’t be dramatic!”

“I feel like this is not even half of how fucking dramatic I could be Mingyu. I could have thrown your shit in the hallway, I could have put hair dye in your shampoo, hell if I was really crazy I could have poisoned your fucking breakfast! That would be dramatic, but instead, I asked you to shut the fuck up and watch this shitty 90s romcom with me, so please stop trying to fix your fucking mistake for 5 minutes and let me fucking cope!” 

Despite her hurt and the tears that were slowly rolling down her cheeks, she grabbed the remote and pressed play. The movie began again and Mingyu stopped talking. They watched the rest of the movie in silence and for that she was grateful. Mingyu made lots of mistakes and she was always forgiving him, but when Vernon sent her the picture of Mingyu curled up with some other random stranger, in her bed after a particularly wild house party, she was crushed. It had been two weeks since then and despite the fact that she had washed her sheets 4 times, she swore she could still smell the other girl's perfume. So she slept on her bedroom floor. 

She wasn’t strong enough to sleep in the bed, but she was nowhere near weak enough to sleep on the couch, so every night there she would lay on a makeshift bed right beside her real one. As if that girl and Mingyu were still curled up in it and she couldn’t be bothered to disturb them.


	10. Back to Mingyu

Two days into learning how to skateboard, she had already given up. Complaining that her legs hurt, she looked tacky in the kneepads and finally just admitting that she wanted to instantly be good at it. 

That was her though, always giving up on things that she genuinely wanted. Mingyu scolded her, saying that she would never be great at anything if she kept dropping each project she started to get good at. She shrugged him off and suggested that they go get sushi. So they did. 

An hour and a half later they were sat on the edge of a mountain, watching the sunset, and eating California rolls with their fingers. Using the skateboard as a makeshift table. 

Just a simple, insignificant moment, that made her smile every time the sky painted itself the same shades of purple and orange that she saw that evening on the cliff. Every thought always came back to him. Any skateboard, any purple and orange sky, any pair of hands trailing across her skin, any man whispering sweet nothing into her ear. They always come back to Mingyu.


	11. Absence

At some point she realised it hurt too much to wait for him to love her back and so she stopped waiting. She stopped messaging first, stopped leaving the light on for him in the apartment, stopped leaving her bedroom door open for him to slip in after work or practice. She stopped making room for him in her life and only then did he genuinely recognise her absence. 

Only after weeks of coming home to dark rooms, locked dorms, and take out on the table did he realise how empty his life would be without her in it. The coldness confused him. He didn’t understand what he had done wrong, but she knew, and that he was sure of.


	12. Smoke Memories

The cloud of smoke from the long cigar billowed towards her face. He watched her closely as she breathed in deep, her eyes closing as if the toxic vapour were the best thing she had ever smelt in her life. 

Truth be told, she loved the scent because it smelt like melancholy. It smelt like repainting an old room. It smelt like wrapping up in the old, tattered blanket you had from kindergarten. It smelt like it smelt with the last boy she had but now mixed with a different cologne. When she closed her eyes and inhaled the smoke she could see her last boy turning into Mingyu. Growing to be someone so much better than he could have ever dreamed. A new boy, a new blanket, a new coat of paint, but the same comfort. A smell that brought her the bad memories only to create new, better memories right over them. 

“Would you believe me if I said that I loved the smell of cigarette smoke?” she asked, her eyes still closed, a soft smile playing on her lips. 

“Yea,” he began, “but it is super weird to me, nonetheless.”

She just giggled and let his response rewrite the ones that had come before his. Wiping her memory clean with each puff. She hoped that the smell of his remodelling would linger on her clothing, skin, mind, for as long as possible. This was a warmth and familiarity that she didn’t want to ever give up.


	13. Everyone's a Cheater

“Fuck you,” he spat as she walked away. His fists clenched by his sides.

“Excuse me?” As she stopped and turned her head to look at him, her eyes said it all, face contorting into something resembling that of a demon.

“I said fuck you! I can’t fucking believe you let some other man touch you,” she scoffed at him as he spoke, “just let some random ass guy stick his dick in you, because what? I didn’t answer your phone call fast enough? I didn’t satisfy you the last time we were together? I didn’t praise you for doing basic human functions today?” 

“Mingyu,” she spoke with a calm voice, “I do not want to hear it from you. Just four months ago you cheated on me for the fifth time and what? You thought that I wasn’t at least eventually going to get you back for hurting me because you chose to violate the most basic rules of our agreement to be a couple. Yea? No. You can kiss my fat ass.” 

“You speak like you’re so confident that you won't lose me forever,” he walked to her, grabbing her wrist.

She quickly snatched her hand away, looking up at him in bewilderment, “I’ve already lost you so many times before Mingyu. Every time someone offers you something more exciting or- or interesting, you hop on the fucking opportunity. I’m not confident that I won’t lose you. I never have been, but I’m surely not going to let you have all this fun while I sit around like some lowly housewife waiting for you to actually genuinely love me back.”

He stares at the hand she ripped away from his, eyes dark and empty. He had never felt this kind of pain before. Was this how she felt when he cheated? Of course, when he cheated on her he felt immediately guilty. He knew it hurt her. Mingyu knew it was wrong, but he was so scared of the commitment it would take to stay with her and only her. He didn’t know what to do and when he felt trapped he would fuck someone else. They never felt like her though. They never sounded or tasted like she did and as a promise to himself, and to her, he never kissed them. He wanted some part of him to go untainted. His lips hadn’t touched anyone else’s since he got with her. 

“Did you kiss him,” he questioned, his voice barely above a whisper.

“What?” 

“I said, did you fucking kiss him?” Mingyu’s voice had deepened considerably. She didn’t know when it happened, but his hand was wrapped around her wrist again. His grip was strong. 

“Mingyu, that hurts,” she whimpered, but he didn’t let up. 

“Answer. The. Question.” 

She looked up at him, eyes teary. When they locked gazes her heart filled with a fear that quickly overrode the anguish. As soon as the soft ‘yes’ left her lips, he broke. Mingyu let go of her wrist, letting it gently fall back to her side. 

“I need to go,” he whispered, finally breaking eye contact as he looked at the ground trying to hide his tears. 

And then he left. He walked out the front door leaving her there alone. As she stood there enveloped in the silence, she thought to herself 

“I wonder why I can’t cry for myself.”


	14. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a bit scandalous, heavy making out, a little dirty talk (??), no smut.

Of course, she knew Mingyu before they were dating or fooling around, or whatever it was that they were doing. Her best friends were friends with him and his friends and by association, they had met before. Nothing memorable, just cordial greetings and small, awkward, close-lipped smiles. She knew of his reputation way before knowing him and any time she saw him she remembered having a vague feeling of understanding. The stories that preceded him really did fit his look. 

Her best friend has always been Vernon. They grew up together, from kindergarten until senior year in high school, and even on to college. Their families joked that they would end up married to one another if they didn’t start hanging out with more people. She took it as a comfort and Vernon took it as the push he needed to make more friends. No matter how many friends he made, he always brought them back to her. Vernon knew how she was and knew that without a push more fitting of her, she would never go to make other friends. But here came these boys with loud voices and goofy smiles, always willing to be around her despite her insecurities and nervousness, Soonyoung, Dokyeom, and Seungkwan. From the day that Vernon introduced them on, they were inseparable. The five of them did everything together. That included going to stupid frat parties, where they all proceeded to get absolutely fucked and make bad decisions. 

One of those bad decisions left her where she was right now. She was quickly realizing that the worst feeling ever was being in her own house and still feeling like she needed to go home, but there she was sitting in her bed and wishing that she was trapped between his arms instead. She never knew a person could become something that she wanted so deeply. 

She hated that she ached for him already. Hated that she considered his bed a place to stay on lonely nights. Hated that she didn’t listen to his warnings or Vernon’s. 

“Listen, I’ve been friends with Mingyu since college started. He is a great friend, but he is no good for you.” That’s what Vernon had told her. He had whispered it quietly into her ear, with a slightly slurred voice, as he watched the two of them stare at each other across the overly large spin-the-bottle circle at some frat party. 

She, at the time, had rolled her eyes and shooed him off, promising to keep her distance. That night, her promise was long forgotten in the heat of a particularly steamy round of 7-minutes in heaven, that she had crossed her fingers for all night. 

Mingyu, in his slightly drunken state, had quickly escalated their awkward sexual tension into the best make-out session she’d ever had. With his strength and drunk confidence, he had easily picked her up and pushed her plush body against the closet door. Her moans were quiet and lewd as he rutted against her like a horny teenager. The friction only feeling so good due to the copious amounts of alcohol in their systems. His mouth sloppily kissing from her lips to her neck and back up again. His lips eventually made their way to her ear, with a particularly rough thrust of his hips, she gasped. 

“I know Verns warned you about me,” he muttered, his voice raspy with lust, “he’s definitely right. I’m bad for you and I don’t do relationships, but god will I fuck the shit out you. Don’t tell anybody, but I’ve always had a thing for big girls,” and with that, his mouth was back on her neck leaving a trail of dark marks and heavy moans. 

Normally guys saying shit like that would piss her off. Disgust her even, but for some reason when those words exited his mouth they left a somehow sweet and bitter taste in hers. One that was plaguing her thoughts weeks later. During classes, at cafes with Vernon, and even right now as she is sitting in the bed of her childhood home with her parents right down the hall.


	15. Selfish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluffy smut, cockwarming, plus size reader (obvs), a little dirty talk (??)

“I just want to be selfish with you,” he whispered sweetly into her ear. His voice deep, still laced with the sleep he had just woken from. One of his large arms wrapped around her soft midsection and pulled her naked body against his own, while the other cradled her head into the crook of his neck. His arm trailed up and down the gentle tuck of her rolls, before continuing down to hook behind her thigh. He gently pulled her thigh up, his way of encouraging her to drape the leg over his body. She slowly turned completely onto her side and did what he wanted. She smiled into his neck as his fingers ghosted across her skin. 

The rain falling heavily against the window just barely visible through the small crack in his taupe curtains. Mingyu was never one for slow mornings, especially since he knew soft moments meant he was starting to catch feelings, but he couldn’t help it. Not when it came to her. With her, he wanted every morning to be like this. His fingers danced across her naked body, around every curve he could touch, scared she would change her mind. Scared she would push him away or tell him to stop like she did most nights. Any time he tried to caress her body during late-night aftercare, she pushed him away. It didn’t matter how spent she was, but this morning was just too good for her to mess anything up. 

As his mind raced, Mingyu got a little fidgety, dipping his head down to connect his lips with hers, then letting the kisses trace the jawline of her rounded face. 

“Can we try something,” he asked cautiously. Without opening her eyes she nodded slowly and he smiled softly. He turned away from her slightly to let his hand slip between the two of their bodies and in between her legs. He slowly drug his fingers across her heat, stopping on her clit. He began gently rubbing slow circles, causing her breath to hitch slightly. Mingyu couldn’t help but chuckle which caused her to pout. 

“You were really rough last night,” she huffed. He kissed her furrowed brow and then her lips, as he slowly pressed his long finger inside of her. She let his mouth capture her moan. Mingyu groaned lowly in content at the way she instantly hugged his finger.

“How are you already so tight again? You really are amazing, you know that?” 

Her face flushed at his words, but she didn’t have much time to dwell on them as he added another finger. She meant it when she said she was still sensitive from the night before. After far fewer thrusts than normal, she was dripping down his fingers. Mingyu was surprised to feel her already convulsing around him. 

“Already, little one,” he asked, the shock sounding more like mockery. The pet name caused her to lose it. She buried her face back into the crook of his neck, as the soft feathery moans escaped her lips. Mingyu didn’t stop, his fingers still pressing slowly in and out of her. 

“I was trying to be slow and sweet this morning, but fuck,” his cock twitched painfully, “you make it really hard when you’re like this. I mean jesus, your legs are shaking and everything.”

Pulling his fingers out completely, he grabbed the base of dick and quickly lined it up with her wet heat, “I’m gonna go nice and slow and you’re gonna be my pretty little cock sleeve for the morning, mkay princess?” 

She whimpered at his words and let her head lull back as Mingyu slowly slid inside of her. Relishing in the way her pussy gripped him, using all of his self-control to not once again ravish her. Once he was fully inside of her, he let out the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. He looked down and watched as her chest heaved up and down at the feeling of him twitching inside of her. Her flushed cheeks, slightly swollen lips, the way her eyebrows knit in pleasure before finally relaxing. He couldn’t help but be fond of this girl. She was his secret and though he knew it didn’t make her happy, he loved that only he knew they were together like this. As he watched her, mesmerized, he lifted his hand to push the hair away from her face and tuck it behind her ear. He cupped her perfectly round face in his large hand, brushing his thumb across her cheek, and then across her bottom lip. Without even thinking she opened her mouth and took his thumb into it. He looked at her with a small smirk playing at the corner of his mouth as she opened her eyes and innocently met his. 

“You’re such a good girl,” he said as she sucked on his finger, “you are my precious little secret. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let you go.” He removed his thumb from her mouth and pulled her back into his chest. It didn’t take long for them to once again drift back to sleep.


	16. Start To Finish

“I started out loving you and I’m going to finish loving you.”

That’s what she said to him. The words echoed in his head, like lyrics to a song he couldn’t get rid of. They sounded pained like she was tired. Tired of trying, tired of waiting, tired of him. He wondered why she didn’t give up, wondered why the thought of her giving up hurt him so much. Every night a different girl was tangled up in his sheets, enraptured by his smooth words and his soft hands with their rough grip. Different hairstyles, eye colours, weights, accents. 

If Mingyu weren’t so fucking sad, it would be impressive, but he wasn’t fucking for fun, he was fucking because he needed to feel something. Something that was better than drowning.


	17. Doorstep

“If you ever want me again, show up on my doorstep,” he spoke softly, never making eye contact. 

“I won’t,” her response was like a knife stroke, quick and blunt, “ and I never will but you can wait for me there if you need to. Wait for me there until you go back inside with full confidence that I’ll never show up again.” 

That was how it played out in her head, but in reality, when she told Mingyu it was over he just laughed softly, put his hand on her head and ruffled her hair. She watched the roles reverse right in front of her eyes. Cried as she became the one offering herself up for the waiting game that she knew didn’t actually exist. He said something about being soulmates that couldn’t quite meet each other, but the words never met her ears. She tried to remember who she was before he pushed her against the closet door at whatever party, in whoever’s house, for whatever frat. Tried to imagine that he was actually hurt when she threatened to leave. Tried to think back to when she became so dependent on him so that she could tell her naive self to fuck right off.


	18. Korean Song

“This music makes me want to let people feel loved,” she screamed over the music blaring through the speakers. Her voice a little louder than it needed to be, her hair whipping around in the wind. Though the sun was setting it was bright, Mingyu’s Gucci sunglasses shielded him from its harshness, but she sat in the passenger seat squinting into the distance. 

Mingyu’s grin was big and goofy on his face as he glanced from the road to her and back again, “It’s a song that reminds me of you,” she looked over at him and smiled as if her one goal was to put the sun out of business. 

It was some Korean song and she didn’t speak a lick of Korean, but the fact that it reminded Mingyu of her was enough for her to like it even more. “What’s it called?” 

“Hollywood,” he said sliding his right hand from the wheel and onto her thigh, “it’s by a group called The Black Skirts.” A blush crept across her cheeks and she had to fight the urge to smile even wider. Her gaze fell from Mingyu’s face to the blurred world that was passing them by. 

It was a random trip to some country house Mingyu’s family-owned, in some small town she had never even heard of. They weren’t even dating yet and if her mother knew she was just travelling to random places with some boy who smoked cigarettes, cheated on tests, and fucked on the first date, she would undoubtedly be dead. 

Maybe it was that thought, maybe it was the excitement of knowing that this was the first time that she would be staying with a boy, other than Vernon, alone, or maybe it was the fact that the Kim Mingyu, ultimate player, just put his hand on her thigh and told her that some obscure song in his native language reminded him of her… 

Whatever it was, she was sure she had never been this happy in her entire life.


	19. Universal Hope

He was a busy man with his own life doing his own things. Mingyu was her friend with benefits, not her property or even her real boyfriend and she knew better than anyone that sometimes you didn’t end up with the person that you wanted. Sometimes the universe could not be kind enough to allow you the simple and infinite joys that came with loving and being loved.

She knew that the universe had a reputation for not being kind, especially to her but as soon as she decided that she really did want Kim Mingyu she prayed to the Universe every night. Prayed that the universe would be gentle with the way it tugged at her heart, just this one time. Told herself that maybe if she begged the universe enough, instead of squeezing her heart until she bled out, it would wrap her entire being up within its galaxy; let the stars tickle her cheeks, brush against her lips. She thought that maybe the Universe would give her this one wish to make up for all the other wishes that it had haphazardly thrown across the skies. Maybe if she could just have this one boy she could actually hold onto hope. 

All it takes is one minor inconvenience for her to be worried that maybe fate was not on her side. Maybe it was the length of time he took to text back or maybe it was the fact that sometimes he didn’t text back at all, either way, she was anxious.


	20. Far Away

//Maybe I’m not lost, just very far away from where you are.//

“How dramatic,” Mingyu quipped as he read over your shoulder, watching you drag the tip of the highlighter across the sentence. 

You rolled your eyes and shut your now finished book, “Of course you would think so.” 

He huffed in response and walked around the couch, plopping down on the worn cushions. Mingyu holds out his hand, gesturing for her to hand him the book, so she does. His fingers ghost the corners of the pages as he flips through them quickly. About fifty pages deep, he stops on another randomly highlighted portion.

She leans over a bit, as she realizes which paragraph he stopped on her face flushes in an insecure embarrassment. 

//And who would love a fat girl like people do skinny girls? No one wants to hold on to all the extra weight. Hell, I don’t even want to hold on to it! That’s it though, isn’t it? How could I really want him to love me when I can’t even love myself. Becca shakes her head and looks over at the handsome boy beside her deciding then and there that she would enjoy this while she still had it. Before Zack remembered that he could do better, before he fell for someone more like Heather.//

Mingyu read the words over and over again. Each time they left a sour taste in his mouth. Without warning, he slammed the book shut and threw it on to the coffee table in front of them, the tips of his ears red with anger, “You highlight the shit you like, right? The shit you feel like you can relate to?” 

She didn’t respond as her gaze dropped to her hands that were now clamped together tightly in her lap. Mingyu inhaled harshly, trying to calm himself, his eyes fixed forwards. 

“You think you relate to that,” he asks, but it comes out sounding more like a statement.

The silence grows larger, the gap between them widens, “Why won’t you ever trust me to love you forever?” 

His question hangs in the air above the cavern she dug between them, as he stands up from the couch and heads toward his bedroom.


	21. Smoking And Dying

“ Dying isn’t what’s scary. What’s scary is to think that any conversation may be your last. Not as in death, but as in you’ll never speak to that person ever again,” Mingyu said, his hand bridging the gap between your bodies as he passed you the blunt. 

You were both lying on the side of some road in the middle of some desert, smoking again. By this point, you couldn’t even begin to try and count the amount of time the two of you had ended up in some random location, off the yammies, and having some deep conversation that would fog in your mind when you reached your normal sobriety. 

Grabbing the rolled paper from his fingers, you bring it to your lips and haphazardly drag your thumb against the flint wheel of your lighter. As the flame illuminates the darkness around you and inevitably the blunt, you inhale long and deep. The burn runs down your throat, spreading through your chest. You think that if you think about the spreading feeling too much you can see the smoke becoming one with your lungs and hazing the cavern around your brain. 

Without your remembering when you did it, the blunt and lighter are back in Mingyu’s hands. You let your head lull to the side so that you can look at him, the ways his eyes are shut calmly, his lips pursed around the end of the paper, his calloused thumb expertly starting the lighter in one go, the little bit of stumble on his face that he decided not to shave that morning. Then his comment finally hit you. The worlds finally broke past the clouds in your mind and set home in your brain. 

“Maybe that really isn’t too different than dying after all,” you respond, letting your head turn forward, closing your eyes and shivering at the cold wind brushing against your skin that you could feel encasing your bones, almost too tightly if you let your mind wander there. 

“Then I guess death is pretty scary… I mean if there really are different ways to die and never speaking to someone you love is one of those ways, then yea. It’s kinda terrifying,” Mingyu spoke slowly like he was really thinking about it. 

“Jennifer Niven once wrote, ‘There are different ways to die. There’s jumping off a roof and there’s slowly poisoning yourself with the flesh of another every single day,’ I think she is right.” 

“Yea, she might have been on to something,” he mumbled, letting his hand cross the empty space between the two of you, and grab your own. 

You really liked smoking with Mingyu, maybe you just liked smoking, or maybe you just liked Mingyu.


	22. Plaything

It was a sunny afternoon, too hot to be doing anything, but Mingyu had insisted that you meet him at his apartment. Of course, you caved in, because how could you say no. But when you knocked on his door, you were not expecting another man to open it. Especially a man so beautiful; tan skin, tall, long hair styled into the only attractive mullet you’d ever seen, sweatpants hanging low on his hips, a baggy designer shirt, and silk house shoes.

Despite his beauty, his demeanour was nothing of the sort, which you quickly found out as he rolled his eyes at you. You stood in the doorway as you watched him walk towards the living room, “Well are you going to come in or are you going to stand in the hallway like a freak?”

Mumbling a fast apology you walked inside and closed the door behind you, removing your shoes. You made your way through the living room and to the table that sat off to the side in their makeshift dining room. It wasn’t long before the awkward silence filled the air. Even though the boy was sat in front of the television, he still stared at his phone, glancing up every once in a while to chuckle quietly and then return to his endless scrolling. 

You found yourself watching the television and even laughing a little sometimes too despite it being in another language. 

“Do you speak Chinese?” The boy asked, a hint of surprise in his voice. 

“O-oh, no I don’t I just can understand some of the jokes from the context on the screen,” your response returned him to his previous emotionless, almost annoyed state, and you sighed. Instead of continuing to watch the show, you opted to look out the large window you were sat by. Your eyes wandered from the bright outside to the interior of the room. You realised that you’d only ever seen this room in passing. It was nicely decorated by a mix of fake and real foliage. You followed a thick string of vines from a small, seemingly homemade pot, up the tiled walls and all the way up to the ceiling where it had just begun to start spreading. 

“You gonna just let it grow up the side of the house like that?” You ask.

“Yea, I don’t care, until it dies,” he replies dismissively, not bothering to look up from his phone. 

Ignoring his disinterest, you continue, “What if it doesn’t? Die, I mean.” 

“Well,” he says, his eyebrows furrowing as he finally looks up again and turns his head to look at you, “I don’t know.”

“You’re different,” he says, more to himself than to you, but in your direction regardless. 

“Thanks, I think,” your furrowed brows mimic his own as the two of you lock eyes. 

“I’m Minghao, I’m assuming you’re Mingyu’s new plaything,” his face settles back into normalcy as he speaks. 

“Well, I prefer the term girlfriend,” you start strongly, “but I guess plaything isn’t entirely incorrect,” your murmur as your face heats up. 

“Okay, gross,” he replies, a smirk tugging at the side of his mouth, “do you have a name plaything?”

“Yea it’s y/n, which is definitely preferable when compared to plaything.”

Minghao gives you the same chuckle he gave the jokes on the TV and you can’t help but smile, “I think I might not mind you being in my apartment.” 

“I think that I appreciate that,” you reply, victorious. 

“You’re different than all the other ones,” Minghao says as his eyes slowly rake down your body and back up to your face, “you look more honest, softer.” 

Before you can think of a better way to reply, the front door is flung open and a boisterous Mingyu is bounding towards you. Quickly and roughly, he wraps you in his arms and pulls you up from the chair you’re sitting in. 

“Hao, I didn’t know you were home,” he exclaims, still embracing you. 

“I didn’t know you had a new one and that she was coming over, so we’re even,” Minghao answered, once again looking at his phone disinterested in the two of you. 

Mingyu finally lets you go, “Y/n, I’m gonna take a quick shower, feel free to join me,” his eyebrows bounce up and down playfully and your face is instantly engulfed in heat. Without waiting for a reply, he heads towards his room. 

You watch him walk down the hall as you take a deep breath and head after him. Right before you make it to the hallway Minghao speaks. 

“Have fun plaything. Be careful.” You turn to look at him, but he is still looking at whatever he finds to be so interesting on his smartphone, a small and playful smirk the only evidence that he actually spoke to you at all.


	23. Don't Let Me Take Her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk what got in me to make this chronological all of the sudden, but here we are! the first chronological piece.

“You seem to be in really deep this time,” Minghao said, that signature smirk of his tugging at one side of his face. 

Mingyu did his best to brush him, mumbling a quick “I know, I know,” but Minghao wasn’t letting up this time. How could he? It felt almost unfair. 

Minghao was never one to talk to Mingyu’s flings, often he was cold towards them so they’d leave him alone. Not to mention, what Mingyu did to those girls had them absolutely floored and Minghao had long ago grown tired of them approaching him in random places and begging him for answers to why his stupid roommate wouldn’t answer their calls. Normally he’d pretend to only know Chinese until they would leave him alone. He, however, had not expected to become so fond of you. 

Any time Mingyu asked you to meet him after class, you got there early just to talk to Minghao and Minghao, more quickly than he would like to admit, let you into his life. Gaining a new friend. So much so, that the two of you began hanging out on your own. Bowling together every other Saturday and hanging out after classes when Mingyu was at practice. 

Mingyu had watched the two of you grow closer and never really minded it if anything it was a blessing. At least until Minghao started hounding him about loyalty and respect. 

“Mingyu, I’m fuckin serious dude, she is different than the other ones,” Minghao chastised from the “dining room” table, the smirk gone from his face. 

Mingyu groaned loudly and stood up from the couch, walking over to plop down in the empty chair at the opposite end of the table, from where Minghao was sitting, “Listen XuXu,” Mingyu began causing Minghao to glare at him, “I like her alright. I know she is different, in so many ways,” darkness passed through Mingyu’s eyes and Minghao set his glare even colder, “I’m not gonna hurt her.” 

“Listen asshole, this time is different, for a lot of reason, you’re right,” as he spoke Mingyu settled back in his chair, a cocky smile playing at his lips, “What’s with that shit-eating grin?” 

“Well, XuXu,” Mingyu leans forward placing his hands on his chin, his gaze darkening again, “It just seems like you’re extra invested in y/n. I mean, I’ve rarely ever seen you so much as speak to one of my girls, and never in any of those instances have you spoken to them in English. Not to mention, the two of you have been pretty friendly lately,” the grin on his face disappeared, “If I didn’t know better it would almost seem as if you like her.” 

Minghao’s face doesn’t change. It stays hardened and cold, even as the accusation settles into the silence of the room. 

“And if I did?” Minghao asks, mimicking Mingyu’s posture. 

“I wouldn’t let you fucking have her,” Mingyu snapped, leaning back in his chair again trying to calm his anger that was starting to rise in his chest. 

Minghao stood up from his seat, pushing in the chair carefully as to not let it scrape against the tile floor. Walking past Mingyu, he places a hand on his shoulder, “Then don’t let me take her,” he leans down, mouth inches away from Mingyu’s ear making the older boy tense up, “We both know I could fuck her better anyways.” 

And with that he walks away leaving Mingyu at the table, teeth clenched and absolutely seething.


	24. The Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it took everything in my body not to make a joke about the actual The Boyz lmao. stan them. also I can't decide if I want this to be chronological or not so yea...

"Y’know y/n,” Mingyu said detaching his lips from yours, your body straddling his, your hands still tangled in his hair while his squeezed at your plush rolls, “You are such a soft,” his lips met yours again, nipping playfully, his hands grabbing you a little rougher, “and messy thing.” Mingyu accentuated this point by grinding upwards making a soft moan leave your lips, “No one knows how to take care of you,” his hips bucked up again, a little harder this time, and he smirked at your gentle keening. His lips ghosting against yours, “But I do, don't I, baby girl?” 

A breathy “Mhm” leaves your mouth and you grind down against him. With a soft grunt in strength, Mingyu flips your bodies over. You can’t help but blush and he can’t help but let a groan as he watches your body jiggle. He doesn’t know when that became such a turn on for him, but fuck he just couldn’t help himself. 

Mingyu’s hands grabbed at your large thighs and pulled them around his hips before removing his shirt. You complied and sat up a bit to run your hands down his toned abdomen. He smirked at you, grabbing your wrists and pinning them beside your head, before rutting against you again, grateful for the fact that you were only in your underwear and one of his shirts that he had somehow convinced you to put on. 

That was how the two of you had ended up in this situation. He had been begging you for weeks to put on one of his shirts, but you refused due to the fact that you knew it would be snug on you. Mingyu, however, would not let up and so you caved in. He quickly pulled a black tee-shirt out of his closet and handed it to you. Mingyu chuckled at how, despite the fact that he had seen you naked lots of times, you turned away from him to remove your shirts and put on his. 

You tugged at the shirt as it hugged at your curves a bit uncomfortable and Mingyu was all but drooling down his face. In all of the months, the two of you had been doing what he called friends with extra benefits and what you called dating, you had never worn any of his clothes so this had him soaring. He felt this swell of pride in his chest, a feeling of wow this is mine. She is mine. But he also felt the twitch in his pants. How could he not? The shirt hugged your body, wrapped around all of that softness he loved so much and that along with the sense of possession, he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of you for long. 

That led to you being on top of him, which is something else you tried to refrain from, but once the two of you had started making out your position was long forgotten. Now that he was on top of you, staring at you so intensely, you were nervous again. He could tell, but he couldn’t stop looking at your figure in his shirt and your pretty white panties. 

“Gyu, please stop staring so much,” you pleaded weakly, looking away from him. 

“I’m sorry baby, I just think you look so damn beautiful,” he replied as he kissed all over your face and down your neck. You giggled at the kisses, but when his lips attached to the sweet spot on your neck, you mewled. 

“Gyu, we shouldn’t even be doing this right now,” you breathed out, trying to ignore his hands that left your wrists and began massaging your breasts, “you will have company soon.” 

Mingyu bit your nipple lightly, through the shirt and your body jerked upwards, causing his clothed crotch to rub against yours, “Good, then they can watch,” he grunted, your face going up in flames. 

“I’d really prefer not to,” a voice from the doorway spoke, “No offence to y/n, she’s gorgeous, I just don’t need to see your dick outside of the locker rooms.” 

You shot up quickly, almost knocking heads with Mingyu, who was far less embarrassed and opted just to sit up and turn his head towards the voice. There in the doorway were Seungcheol and Chan. 

“Yea, we don’t even wanna see it there,” Chan spoke this time, “that being said, y/n, if you’d like to give me a private show,” before he could continue there was an arm wrapping around his neck and dragging him downwards, sputtering. 

“Sorry,” Jihoon muttered, before dragging the squirming boy away in a headlock.

Mingyu sighed at the intrusion, leaning down to peck your lips quickly, before climbing off the bed. 

Seungcheol chuckled as Junhui approached the doorway and rolled his eyes, “Are you gonna fix that,” Junhui asked, gesturing to Mingyu’s boner. 

“Well I was about to before all of you fuckers barged in here,” he grumbled, shoving his hand down his pants and readjusting. 

You watched in bewilderment, your eyes scanning from the boys in the doorway and your lover standing in the room. You were now sitting up, crisscross, trying to pull Mingyu’s shirt away from your body, and at least down to cover your crotch. 

It seemed as though Junhui and Seungcheol both noticed your discomfort at the same time, “You shouldn’t be so self-conscious y/n.” Seungcheol said sweetly, his hand awkwardly attaching to the back of his neck. 

“Coups is right,” Junhui exclaimed, “I think you look great in tighter clothes.” 

Mingyu’s body straightened at the comment and you smiled softly at the compliment. 

“Alright, get the fuck out of the doorway. Quit ogling my girlfriend perverts.” 

Both of the boys’ eyes widened, but instead of questioning the title, Seungcheol shrugged, a cheeky smile on his lips, “You were the one that said we could watch.” 

“Just get the fuck out,” Mingyu exclaimed. 

Junhui waved goodbye to you and Seungcheol shot you a goofy wink before they both left the doorway. Mingyu closed the door behind them and turned to you. 

“I’m so sorry that they are that way,” he said sheepishly. 

“You called me your girlfriend,” you sputter and it is his turn to blush. 

“Well, yeah, I guess I did,” he doesn’t look at you, “I-I'll be back in a bit, you can chill here or Uhm, yea. I’ll see you later.” 

He walks out of the room blushing and awkward, but all you can do is smile. You clamber off the bed and follow after him, “Gyu!” 

He turns around looking at you wide-eyed, “Y/n,” he whispers through his teeth, but you ignore him. You run up to him and wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him deeply. His hands instantly drop to your ass and find a nice purchase there as he kisses you back. 

When you pull away, he leans down, his mouth right beside your ear, “You’re lucky you’re cute, because if I had half a mind I’d bend you over my knee for running out dressed like that, knowing all of the boys are here.” 

Your breath hitches, as he gently taps your ass and lets you go. You then remember your half-naked state and Mingyu’s tight shirt on your body. Joshua, Jihoon, Seungcheol, Chan, Junhui, and Minghao (who just happened to be in the living room) all stared at you. 

“U-Uhm, have a good day guys! B-be safe, enjoy l-lunch!” you muttered out before turning to walk back to Mingyu’s room. 

Before you get too far, Mingyu’s hand connects with your ass and you yelp, speeding up your walk. All of the boys watch after you and Mingyu beams with pride.

“Let’s go, you perverts!” He yells out and all the boys grumble.


	25. Goblin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CR: Goblin and Kim In Yook
> 
> *I do NOT own this poem and I am using it for artistic recreation only*

“What are you doing,” the tall boy asked as he looked over your hunched, unmoving form.

“Making finishing touches,” you reply bluntly. Your brows knit together with concentration, Mingyu could only giggle.

“Uh, what?”

A few beats pass where the only answer he receives is silence. He is about to ask again when you spin around quickly shoving a picture frame at him. He looks from the outstretched frame to your wide and expectant eyes. Grabbing it a confused look passed across his face. Bringing the frame to his face he sees a scrawl of obviously overworked Hangul. A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips and as he reads it an ache spreads across his heart.

사랑의 물리학

>김 인육<

질량의 크기는 부피와 비례하지 않는다

제비꽃같이 하늘 거리는 그 계집애가

꽃잎같이 하늘거리는 그 계집애가

지구보다 더 큰 질량으로 나를 끌어당긴다,

순간, 나는

뉴턴의 사과처럼

사정없이 그녀에게로 굴러 떨어졌다

쿵 소리를 내며, 쿵 쿵 소리를 내며

심장이

하늘에서 땅까지

아찔한 질자운동을 계속하였다

첫사랑이었다.

physics of love

> Kim In Yook <

“Do you know what this says?” He could almost punch himself in the eye. Why in the fuck was that the first thing I asked her, he thinks as his cheeks heat up.

She looks at him stupidly and he sputters, “D-Don’t answer that! Obviously you know what it says,” his free hand comes to rub at the back of his neck as he mumbles, “you fuckin wrote it out.”

“Do you like it,” she asks expectantly, but when she senses his hesitation she starts rambling, “I just seem to be the only person you speak to who doesn’t know Korean and recently I watched Goblin and it just reminded me of how much you mean to me and the poem was so pretty and-”

She is cut off by his lips pressing gently against hers. She had never kissed like this. A kiss that started off slow and soft, as if he were trying to drain every breath, past and future, from her body. His lips plush against hers, but soon the gentleness faded away and his lips seemed to be crushing hers. He placed his framed poem on the desk behind her, before pulling her up from her seat. His lips never leaving hers, his arms wrapping around her squishy body, pulling her flush against him. Normally by now his hands would be roaming her lush skin or gripping her ass roughly, but instead, they stayed around her waist, pulling her as close as he could, almost as if he were trying to meld their bodies together. The heat of the kiss was more than enough to have her melting anyways.

For Mingyu this kiss meant a lot. He had never felt this feeling before her, never wanted to kiss someone because he was enamoured by their existence, never wanted to spend the rest of his life with someone like this, but here she was in all of her glory. He loved every inch of her, every quirk she had, every thought and insecurity. Mingyu wanted her forever and he wanted this kiss to show that.

He really hoped it did.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

English Translation:

“Mass is not proportional to volume. A girl as small as a violet. A girl who moves like a flower petal is pulling me toward her with more force than her mass. Just then, like Newton’s apple, I rolled toward her without stopping until I fell on her, with a thump. With a thump. My heart keeps bouncing between the sky and the ground. It was my first love.” ― Kim In Yook, Physics of Love 사랑의 물리학


	26. Mother Of Stealth

“Wake up,” the whisper was pressed right against your ear. 

The instant fear left you immobilized, but your eyes shot open before you heard the whisper again, “Y/n c’mon, I wanna take you somewhere.” 

“Mingyu what fucking time is it?” 

“3:45 aye-em, now get up we only have 2 hours left before they close!” You could feel his body weight shifting off the bed and then his feet padding against the floor hastily. 

Sitting up slowly you rub your eyes and let them adapt to the darkness of the room. You could only just make out the outline of Mingyu bouncing around on one foot in attempts to free his foot from the confines of his sweatpants leg. When he succeeded, he pulled them up quickly and adjusted them lowly on his hips. 

It is only after looking around the room that you remember where you are, which is his old bedroom at his mother's house that was approximately 2 train rides and 3 days away from your normal apartment/school surroundings. The town was small and quaint and Mingyu had grown up there. Not to mention you and his mother were the only two women he couldn’t say no to, so when she asked to me you, god only knows how she ever found out that you were a part of Mingyu’s life (probably Minghao), Mingyu had bought the train tickets and packed you both up. 

Now he was waking you up at the ass crack of dawn, to take you on some adventure that you weren’t even sure you wanted to go on, to some secret location. Despite all of the mystery and very obvious tiredness, you found yourself slipping on one of his varsity jacket and a pair of leggings. 

“C’mon babygirl,” he whispered, the excitement apparent in his voice, “we got a train to catch.” 

You are sure the scene would have been fun to watch from the outside as the two of you scampered across the house trying and failing to be quiet. You made it down the hall and past his mother’s room just fine, but everything went to shit as soon as Mingyu’s lanky ass stepped foot in the living room. Forgetting the existence of the rug, that was admittedly oddly placed, in front of the hallway, he tripped. His reflexes were not nearly fast enough to catch himself properly, so there he was sprawled out on the floor. You tried to stifle your laugh as you stepped over and around his body.

“Jesus Gyu, way to be stealthy,” you chastised playfully as he pulled himself up off the ground. 

“That was all part of the plan,” he mumbled unconvincingly. 

You just shook your head as the two of you once again began your little trek to the front door, but of course, one accident wasn’t enough and you just had to stub your toe on the couch right as Mingyu tripped over the coffee table. You both let out simultaneous “Oofs” and panicked giggles as you once again picked yourself up from your extremely damaging injuries and finally made it to the front door. The whole thing made it feel like you were high schoolers again, sneaking out to do bad things on a school night. You’d be lying if you said your adrenaline wasn’t pumping just a little at the well-known excitement of it all. 

Just as Mingyu’s hand touched the door handle, the kitchen light flipped on, and you both froze. Leaning in the doorway was Mingyu’s mother, dressed in sleep pants, house slippers, and a tightly wrapped pink robe. 

“If you don’t move,” Mingyu whispered out the side of his mouth, “she can’t see us.” 

A small smile danced across his mother's lips as your face heated up knowing just how guilty the two of you looked. 

“So where are you two children heading off to at this hour?” she asked knowingly. 

The two of you stood there unmoving and his mother laughed, “You two are quite the pair,” she straightened her posture and walked to Mingyu, grabbing his hand in hers, “Tomorrow we are all having dinner together, you know the place,” she winked at Mingyu and a short-lived wave of disdain washed across his face.

Then she turned to you, “I cannot wait to finally get to know you more,” her voice had a harsh edge and her eyes trailed obviously down your full figure, “enjoy wherever you’re going if it involves food I’m sure you will.” With that, she gave you a fake smile and brushed her hand lovingly down the side of Mingyu’s face before retreating down the hallway towards her room. 

Mingyu grabbed your hand in his, “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, opening the door and dragging you outside


	27. Mr. Xu's 5AM Dumplings

The two of you walked hand-in-hand, draped in knowing silence. The darkness stretched across the sky and yet it was still bright. The abundance of stars and full moon illuminated the countryside and you once again found yourself wondering why his mother, such a seemingly high-end woman was living in the middle of nowhere.   
Before you knew it, you and Mingyu were standing at the train station and then on a train and then walking the streets of the city down sketchy back alleys and “short cuts”. When you finally stopped it was in front of a seemingly run-down dumpling shop at the back of a dark alley. 

You looked from the half-illuminated sign on top of the shop, to the discarded boxes, stray cats, and dirty blankets in the alley around you, and then finally up to the man standing beside you. He was too busy smiling at the dumpling shop in front of him to even begin to notice your obvious and blatant confusion. 

“Mingyu where in the fuck are we right now,” you asked, your grip on his hand tightening. 

“C’mon.” was the only response you received as he drug you into the shop and to one of the bar stools sat at the counter of the shop. He motioned for you to wait one second before he disappeared around the counter and headed into the back of the shop. 

You hissed out a quiet and fearful “Mingyu” as you looked around the shop. It was cleaner than you have thought it to be and there were actually a few people sat sporadically around the shop. You did your best to focus on the talking that you heard behind the counter, but it was no use and soon Mingyu appeared again, but this time on the opposite side of the counter and in an apron. 

You gave him a dead stare and his eyes darted to the side, “Listen,” he stated, “I used to work here when I still lived at home with my mom. Minghao’s dad runs the place.” 

The look didn’t leave your face and he shot you a smile you couldn’t quite decipher, “Just sit back and relax ma’am. Welcome to the 5 AM dumpling shop. I’ll be your server this morning, my name is Mingyu, what can I get for you?” 

With a sigh, you decided to play along, “Well Mingyu, I was never given a menu.”

“Ahhh, you must be new here,” he pulled out a little note bad from the pocket on his apron and smiled at you, “I’ll just go ahead and put you down for our regular and a Huang Meigui tea,” he scribbled quickly on the notepad before looking back up “I’ll be right back with that, sit tight baby,” you couldn’t help but grin at him, so you rolled your eyes to show that you were still a tad unimpressed with what was going on. 

You watched him attach the order to a string in the window behind the counter. A handsome, obviously much older man smiled widely at Mingyu and let his eyes dart to you. You smiled an awkward closed-lip smile and he returned with a genuine one before turning his attention back to Mingyu. The older man said something in a weird mixture of Korean and Chinese to Mingyu who smiled proudly and nodded. The man nodded back and then disappeared again, this time with your order in hand. 

You watched Mingyu run around the shop taking and delivering orders. His eyes looked so happy and he moved with obvious trained expertise. Soon you were so enraptured with your surroundings and the cosiness of it all, that the only thing that shocked you out of it was a small plate of dumplings being sat in front of you. Your eyes snapped away from the far wall and instantly warmed as you saw the man from behind the window placing your drink down next to the food. 

“Hello,” he began, his accent thick and his voice soothing, “I am father of Minghao, you Mingyu girlfriend?” 

Your face dusted itself in a light shade of pink and the man chuckled softly, “I am his girlfriend,” you replied quietly, smiling small. 

“He did good job,” his eyes are so sincere when he speaks that you can’t help but to believe him, “And don’t listen to any words that come out of his mother's mouth!” His exclamation turns a few heads and your face really heats up at the attention. 

“Y-yes, sir!” You reply back trying to mimic his conviction and he smiles widely. 

Before he can continue, Mingyu appears at his side, “叔叔，请不要理她。”

The older man chuckles before turning to smile up at Mingyu. “她可能不像前一个女孩那样可爱，但是她的幸福使她更加美丽。” 

Mingyu smiles softly and looks at you with bright eyes, “ 叔叔，她是我约会过的最漂亮的女孩” 

Minghao’s dad only nods before turning away and heading back into the kitchen, leaving you staring at Mingyu in confusion.

“What did he say?” you whispered nervously. 

“Just that you are beautiful… and I agreed.” 

\-----------------------------------------------

叔叔，请不要理她 means Uncle, Leave her alone. 

她可能不像前一个女孩那样可爱，但是她的幸福使她更加美丽。 means She may not be as conventionally pretty as your last girl, but her happiness makes her beautiful.

叔叔，她是我约会过的最漂亮的女孩” means Uncle she is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever dated.


	28. You And Your Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (this chapter is not chronological and it does not actually include mingyu, it serves as more character development for your relationship with Vernon, Hoshi, Dokyeom, and Seungkwan)

“All I’m saying is,” Vernon huffs, “you can’t tell someone to go and then be upset when they do.” 

You, Dokyeom, Hoshi, and Seungkwan all look at him incredulously. The four of you are sitting cross-legged on the floor playing cards. You were having a bad day and when the boys showed up with UNO and vodka, you couldn’t possibly say no. Though you were quickly remembering why you rarely drank with them and why you never played games, just the five of you. The only time it ever went well was when Jihoon was around, that way everyone was too scared to cheat. No one wanted to die at the hands of a 5’6 demon man. 

“It’s really not that deep,” you mumble before looking over at the other boys. 

“This has got to be a joke,” Dokyeom murmurs as Hoshi screams over him, “I thought it was your fucking turn, but it wasn’t to pick your fucking card back up and put it back in your hand!” 

“I think it’s a fair move,” Vernon responds, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly. 

Seungkwan scoffs, “As if! This is why your rap career isn’t taking off because you’re a rat and rats can’t rap!” 

You, Dokyeom, and Hoshi gasp, “Seungkwan you didn’t have to take it so far,” Dokyeom says as he crawls over to Vernon who is almost in tears. 

“I think you’re all being rats,” you finally said, “Everyone discards one card of your choice and then we’ll all be even.” 

“But that leaves Dokyeom with UNO,” Soonyoung whines as Dokyeom shoots a quiet and fierce, "Shut the fuck up,” in his direction. 

“OH FOR FUCKS SAKE,” you holler, snatching everyone's cards from their hands and throwing them in the pile in the middle, “NEW GAME! If anyone fucking cheats I’m calling Jihoon! Understood?” 

The boys all fumble back to their spots and nod at you solemnly. You grab the huge bottle of vodka that sat on the coffee table behind you and took a deep swig. Scrunching up your face you pass it to Seokmin, who does the same thing and so on and so forth until you’re all playing a wonderful and fun game of UNO and all teetering on the edge of absolutely shitfaced.


	29. There For You

Are you sure you want to hang out here, y/n,” Minghao asks for the fourth time since you stepped in the apartment 5 minutes ago. You and Mingyu had broken up about two weeks prior and so the hurt had just started to stop. 

“Hao, I’ll be fine,” you smile, “plus he isn’t even here right now and you’ve been meeting me literally everywhere to avoid this place. I can’t let you keep wasting money on ubers.” 

“Okay,” he concedes, “but if you get even the slightest bit uncomfortable let me know.” 

You roll your eyes and plop down on the couch, “I know, I know.” 

“So what homework am I helping you with again?” 

“Well,” he begins as he pulls his laptop from his backpack and sets it on the coffee table in front of the couch, he sits beside you and opens the device, “you are going to be my model and I’m going to take a fuck ton of pictures of you.” 

He slide the laptop towards you and you lean forward to get a better look, “Those are the instructions.” 

“You’re taking pictures of me and you let me come over in this,” your eyes wide as you gesture to your over-sized sweatpants and hand cut crop-top. 

“I happen to think you look fine just as you are,” he huffs. 

Your eyes roll automatically and you grin widely, “Normally I’d fight you on that, but you’re the fashionista photographer, plus you’re not really known for lying about how you really feel,” he chuckles and you two playfully nudge each other, “so I’ll believe you just this once!” 

“Good,” he stands, holding out his hands for you to grab, “now we-” as he pulls you up, the front door opens and both of your heads shoot towards it. 

Mingyu laughs, “Yea I think my roommate is out right now.” 

A girl giggles and your body goes rigid. When Mingyu and the girl notice you and Minghao, the tension becomes palpable. 

“Or not,” Mingyu says dryly as he looks from your shocked faces, to your hands that were holding one another. 

You don’t fail to notice his arm wrapped around her waist or her thin and petite body, how he towers over her. You can’t help but make a mental note that he went right for a girl who looked nothing like you. Before you can say or think anything else, your body is tugged forward by Minghao. 

He pulls you against his chest protectively, “别担心，我们正要离开。”

“당신이 원하는 게 뭐든간에하세요.” Mingyu replies. 

The four of you brush past each other as Mingyu and the girl head towards his room and you and Minghao head for the front door. When they are gone, Minghao kneels down and helps you put on your shoes, while tears rush down your face. 

“Listen Ms. English Major, I’ll say this to you in a way that you’ll understand,” his voice stern, he ties your shoe and stands, lifting your head so that your eyes meet, “You can’t make homes out of human beings, someone should have already told you that.” 

“Warsan Shire,” you sniffle. 

“Yea, she knew what she was talking about when she wrote that,” he replies, a soft smile forming on his lips, his rough thumb rubbing a tear away from your cheek.

You nod and watch him walk away to grab his backpack and camera, before he is back at your side. Grabbing your hand he walks out of the apartment, locking it behind you, relishing in his ability to be the one who gets to be there for you.

\--------------------------------------------------

别担心，我们正要离开。 means We were just leaving. 

당신이 원하는 게 뭐든간에하세요 means Do whatever you want.


	30. I Think I Hate Him

“Hey, its been a while,” she spoke into the little black box, her hand wrapped around it like it was the only thing tethering her to reality. 

“Before this last time, this real last time, I always felt like it was completely my fault,” she stopped to sniffle, her voices sounded heavy with all the tears she has yet to cry, “this time, this time I know it wasn’t my fault.

He just wanted to help me, ya know? Help me love myself.” She scoffed. 

“ He took me to the top of that stupid roof, where we had that stupid kiss, and he said that I shouldn’t be so self-conscious. He said -- He said ‘Y/n, you’re so beautiful. How can you ignore the way the moon dances across your skin, kisses you like it’s scared it will never have the opportunity to ever again?’ 

It all sounded so romantic then.” 

She took a long pause, gripping the recording device even tighter, letting her eyes wander through the darkness of her room. She knew she was in her room, but it didn’t feel like she was even on earth. 

“He put his hands on my waist,” she began again, her voice heavier, “he squeezed me so tight,” she spat through her teeth.

“I told him that I never asked the moon to kiss me and I told him that I never asked to be told I was ugly because of my weight. I said ‘Gyu, I didn’t hate this body until people started telling me that I should,’ and do you know what he said?” She asked the black box.

“He said, ‘well haven’t i been here to tell you that they were wrong?’ and before I could even respond, before I could tell him that no, no he hadn’t, he pulled me against him. He let me feel at home in his arms, and said ‘Dance with me.’

What the fuck kind of movie are we in for him to ask me to dance with him on a rooftop at 3 am?” 

The tears were falling now, her voice cracking with the weight, her hands shaking. 

“And why did I let him twirl me around this rooftop as if I meant something? Why did I let him step back and watch me goofily prance around? Why didn’t I listen to Vernon that night? Or trust my fucking gut?” 

She stopped speaking again, the only sound that could be heard in the tiny device was her sniffling, followed by the soft rustling of her wiping the tears from her face, and then finally a deep breath.

“Ya know? I think I might hate him,” her voice was quiet and monotone, “I think this time. I actually fucking hate him.

He somehow made me feel worthy and worthless all at once and I don’t know if I can keep fighting for that feeling any more, I don’t--” 

She was cut off by a knock at the door, she leaned in close to the recorder, an angry whisper leaving her lips, “If that is Kim Fucking Mingyu, I think I might die from heartbreak.”


	31. Victory

College, in many ways, was just like high school. Somehow it felt like everyone knew everyone, cliques still existed, and rumors spread like wildfire. It hadn’t even been two weeks before what seemed like the entirety of campus knew that you were at least sleeping with Mingyu.

You weren’t mad that everyone within a 50-mile radius knew because of your pride or anything, you were just upset that everyone felt the need to know your business. After all, how could you really be upset that people knew that Mingyu had taken a liking to you enough to rail you into next week? If anything this little fact was enough to have you holding your head a little higher and answering peoples questions about it with a subtle air of mystery.

Are you two sleeping together? Why does it concern you? So what, you and Mingyu are like, a thing now? Thing? I prefer to say we’re friends. Is he any good? Sure, he’s great at a lot of things.

All of your answers left people reeling and had Mingyu grateful. He wasn’t quite sure if he was ready to face the fear of commitment, so the fact that you answered everyone's questions so nonchalantly lifted a weight off his shoulders. That was the case until even you started to wonder what the two of you were doing.

“Gyu, are we dating?” You asked over coffee. The pair of you sitting in the back of the dimly lit cafe down the street from the college.

He avoided your gaze, taking a sip of his drink, sighing “Well, we are surely more than friends with benefits at this point,” he answered carefully.

You rolled your eyes and smiled, “You met my dad and practically spend every night at my place. We are surely more than friends with benefits unless by benefits you meant dating.”

He chuckled and took another drink, “C’mon we can talk about this later, you’re supposed to be helping me study for this English exam that we have tomorrow.”

“Yea, yea,” you groaned, half at the study materials in front of you and half at his dodging of your question.

“Oh,” he exclaimed, “are you coming to my game Friday night? It’s our homecoming game.”

“I mean, do I need to?”

“Well, who else am I going to point to when I score the winning point and take us to finals?”

He smiled widely at you and you sighed, “I’ll see what I can do Gyu, but I already made plans to go out with the boys.”

Mingyu pouted at you, “Fine~ But if I don’t see you in the stands you owe me pizza.”

“Deal.”

He holds out his pinkie and you wrap your own around it, before pressing your thumb to his.

\-----------------------------------

There you were in the middle of the packed stands at the only lacrosse game you’d ever been to. Vernon and Dokyeom on one side of you, Seungkwan and Soonyoung on the other. You all wore eye black on your cheeks and your school colors, baby blue and pastel yellow. You had called in a favor from Minghao, who called in a favor from Jeonghan, in order to get the shirt you were wearing now. The cropped “baseball” tee had “Gyu’s Girl” written across the front and a large #17 on the back in the same style as the number on his jersey.

You were nervous to be wearing something that so publicly claimed Mingyu, mostly due to the fact that you weren’t sure if he’d claim you back, but all of the thoughts concerning that disappeared as you let the atmosphere of the game suck you and really get you involved. You and the boys cheered and chanted along with the rest of the student body as you watched Mingyu work towards the goal he’d made for himself and told you about, making the winning shot.

He hadn’t seen you before the game started and wasn’t even sure you were in the stands at first, but halfway through the fourth and final quarter, during their second timeout of the last half, he saw you. Even though both teams were tied and the boys were tired, seeing your face reminded him that he had a fucking game to win and that was all the motivation he needed. When the referee blew the whistle to signify the ending of the timeout duration, Mingyu was all but bouncing up and down, ready to make you proud. Normally he’d be wondering when and why he fell for a girl like you, a one night stand, a friend with benefits, but instead all he could think about is the smile that would cross your face when he led the team to victory.

Everyone screamed and cheered as they watched Mingyu bound down the field, 10 seconds left on the clock, the goalie ready to crush his dreams of victory, but Mingyu trained hours every day for this kind of pressure. He thrived in this pressure. Without stopping he shot the ball, everyone in the stands tensed, trying to keep their eye on the speeding bullet and it seemed as though the goalie couldn’t keep his eyes on it either because just as fast as it had started, the ball was hitting the next, the game buzzer was sounding, and Mingyu was turning to you.

Mingyu turned immediately to the stands, his padded arm raising up, and his gloved hand pointing directly at you. You cheered wildly, the biggest smile spread across your face, your cheeks flushed, and your heart oozing with pride. Mingyu just won. Correction, your boyfriend Mingyu just won.

You had seen Mingyu lots of ways, but for some reason, sweaty mingyu on a rugby field pointing to you cheesily after scoring what was hands down the best-earned point of the entire game, muddy legs and shorts, matted hair pressed to his forehead. He had never been so handsome.

As the team finally tore him away and began bouncing around him screaming happily, you did your best to rush to the field. Vernon, Dokyeom, Seungkwan, and Soonyoung all cheering you on.

“Go get em, y/n” Vernon yelled.

Dokyeom jeering right along with him, “Give Gyu a big ole kiss for me.”

“Me too,” Seungkwan and Soonyoung yelled in unison before bursting into a fit of laughter.

“We’ll meet you back home! We’ll get the party set up and spread the word!” Vernon called after you.

When you finally made your way down to the field, you heard the boys clowning Mingyu for his dramatic way of pointing out to the entire student body that you two were dating.

“Yeah, dude, what the fuck was that,” Dino teased.

“I thought it was kind of romantic,” Jihoon mumbled, causing Seungcheol to ruffle his hair, “Of course you would.”

“Thank you Hoonie,” Mingyu exclaimed.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Yea, don’t call Hoonie, Hoonie,” Jun said, scolding Mingyu playfully.

“Oh give me a fuckin brea- Baby girl!” Mingyu exclaimed as he noticed you standing beside him.

The two of you each grinned from ear to ear. Mingyu took you in and had to fight back the feeling of his blood rushing downwards. There you were in a tiny little crop top and the pair of leggings that he loved on you most, he always claimed they hugged your curves irresistibly, your hair in braids and the thing that got him the most were the block letters scrawled right across your breasts.

“Gyu’s girl,” he mumbled and your face flushed.

“Is it too much,” you asked worriedly as you reached up and fiddled with the hem of the shirt.

His gloved hands pressed against each side of your plus body, the roughness of the material felt stiff against your slightly exposed sides, “Not at all. I couldn’t have picked something better myself, kitten. Mingyu leaned down and pressed his lips against yours harshly. Normally you’d complain about the sweat or dirt coating his body, but on a night like this, it didn’t matter.

“Oh for fucks sake,” Jun groaned.

“Not in front of the children!” Seungcheol cried out playfully as he reached up to cover Dino’s eyes.

Dino punched Seungcheol in the side, “Oh fuck off!”

“Respect your elders,” Jihoon quipped, wrapping his arm around Chan’s neck and pulling him into a chokehold.

Mingyu removed one hand from your waist and turned it towards the boys, flipping them off, as he continued to kiss you. You giggled and pulled away.

“Congratulations on winning you guys! I can’t wait to watch you at finals,” you say cheerfully.

“Don’t you mean watch Mingyu?” Jun questioned cheekily and you shrugged.

“Forget Mingyu, y/n, why don’t you watch me instead!” Chan said cockily.

“Well actually,” you began matter-of-factly, “I was going to watch Jihoon.”

Jihoon’s eyes widened as he looked at you, “W-watch me?”

“Mhm,” you nod, “Jihoonie, you were obviously the best midfielder out there!”  
Jihoon smiles softly and looks away from you, a blush creeping up his cheeks, “Thanks y/n.”

“Are you blushing right now?!” The boys all exclaim in unison.

“Shut up,” he grumbles.

“Kitten, please don’t flirt with my teammates, or else I’ll have to break you out of that habit when we get home,” Mingyu’s words are cold, but his eyes are playful.

“Daddy, don’t threaten me with a good time,” you whisper as you lean into him.

“You can call me Daddy, y/n!”

“God Chan, you really don’t miss a beat do you?” you laugh.

“Of course not, I’m goalie for a reason!”

“Oh shit!” you exclaimed, “Hurry up and hit the showers, there is a party that should be starting right about now, at my apartment to celebrate your victory!”

“Don’t have to tell me twice!” Jun exclaims, before running off to tell the rest of the team. The boys follow behind him, bidding you a farewell and a see-you-soon.

“Go, Gyu! I’ll be waiting in my car! Be quick!”

“Alright baby, I’ll move like the flash!” Mingyu kisses you chastely before running to catch up with the boys.

You can’t help but watch after them and try and soak up every ounce of happiness this moment is providing.


	32. Held

His pinky linked in mine, he drove one handed down an empty road and for some reason it made my heart flutter. But when I opened my mouth to tell him, I found the words I needed escaping me, so I closed my mouth and looked out the window instead. Minutes passed as I watched the sun begin to set on the hilly horizon, still struggling with how to tell him that he made my heart skip beats. 

As if he sensed my internal struggle he spoke, his tone warm and smooth like honey, “We don’t have to talk, ya know? We can just be comfortable in the feeling of each other.” 

Neither of us looked at the other, but his pinky let go of mine and he instead wrapped his large hand around my significantly smaller one. As the roughness of his lightly calloused fingers made purchase in my own grip and squeezed a little tiger, I thought about how nice it felt to have even just this small part of me being held.


	33. The Party

The plan was to meet at some frat party being hosted by some guy from the swim team named Jackson. You were apparently the only person on the entirety of the college campus who didn’t know who this man was, but after some convincing and mentioning that Mingyu would possibly be there Vernon, Seungkwan, Soonyoung, and Dokyeom had managed to get you away from your studies, dressed slutty, and on the way to said party. 

Of course you didn’t really want to go and of course you weren’t going just because Mingyu might be there, you were going for your friends and because you have agreed to anything from murder to robbery if it meant getting you away from the stupid 20 page paper you had been working on for five hours. 

As soon as your Uber pulled up in front of the house, the boys could tell you were already ready to go back to the paper, but dragged you out of the vehicle anyways. The party had technically started an hour or two ago and was definitely in full swing. Random furniture and empty solo cups littered the front yard, the loud music could be heard clearly from the edge of the lawn, and you were quickly realizing that there were so many people inside of that one frat house, that even if Mingyu was there, you weren’t going to be finding him any time soon. 

It didn’t take more than five minutes of being in the crowded house to lose Verns, Hoshi, Seokmin, and Boo, which left you stranded in a sea of drunk strangers. You quickly made it your mission to find a less crowded area and for once you were glad that you had some extra weight to you as it made getting through the crowd a little easier. 

After what seemed like ages you found the kitchen, which to your dismay was just as crowded as the living room. Some random boy handed you a full drink as a girl dragged him back towards the front of the house. You looked around incredulously, but the anxiety was getting to you, so without thinking too much you down the contents of the cup with fervor. Setting the cup on the already cluttered counter and leaving the kitchen, you were ready to give up, when you looked over and spotted a staircase. The relief washed over your body as you headed towards it speedily. 

Once you were up the stairs, you were greeted with a pretty spacious walkway that extended to both the left and right. This was all beginning to feel like a choose your own adventure game and you really didn’t want to play, regardless you headed left. You stumbled upon the bathroom and a few doors down you found an empty lounge room. It was dimly lit and was probably the cleanest area in the whole house. You couldn’t help the sigh of relief that left you as you walked inside and closed the door quietly. Just as you sunk down onto the couch, you heard someone clear their throat and all but shot up through the ceiling. 

The person laughed and you looked over with a glare only to meet the gaze of Mingyu.   
“I would say that I apologise for scaring you, but the look on your cute little face was priceless.” 

You couldn’t help but pout, “I did not think it was that funny,” you grumbled, “what are you doing in here anyways?” 

“Well, they were starting to play Never Have I Ever in the room down the hall, I didn’t feel like playing, so I was leaving the room when I saw you slip in here and I was like hmm Gyu, maybe you should go bother her and so here I am to do just that.” 

His smile was blinding even through the darkness of the dimly lit room, “Why are you in here all alone? Especially dressed like that…” Mingyu’s sentence trailed off as his eyes raked up and down your ample body. 

All of the sudden you were more self conscious than before, “Well, I, the boys pulled me away from my paper, they picked out this outfit,” you grumbled, “and then before I knew it, I was at this party and they were nowhere to be found. So I needed to get away from the crowd.”

He walked towards you, stopping only a foot away, “I’m surprised you agreed to come, you don’t seem like the party type.” Mingyu’s eyes bore into you as you tried to avoid eye contact. 

“I’m not,” you cleared your throat, “the party type I mean. I just came so they’d leave me alone, plus y’know I thought maybe I’d be pleasantly surprised,” your voice came out as a whisper, “or that I’d see someone or something.” 

A smirk formed on Mingyu’s face at your small admission, “Well were you?” 

You looked up at him, “Huh?” 

“Pleasantly surprised,” He shrugged and then stepped closer, “or did you happen to see that someone?” 

Now you were only inches apart and you were trying to remember how to breathe properly, “Oh, well, pleasantly surprised? Not at all. This party is actually worse than I thought it would be.” You were once again looking at the floor to avoid his eyes, but he wasn’t having it. Seeing your flustered face was proving to be very amusing. 

His thumb and index finger meet your chin, lifting your head so as to make you look into his eyes, “So you did see the person you were looking for?” 

Your face was instantly in flames, in fact, the whole room was hell and you were more in it than you ever thought you would be, “Y-yea, I did.” Your voice comes out as almost a whimper and you begin thinking about how you wish you were two people so that the other version of you could punch version one in the face.   
Mingyu chuckles and drops his hand, he turns around and heads for the door. When you don’t follow after him, he smiles to himself and turns around, his hand already on the door handle, “Well, c’mon babe, let’s get out of here.” 

Your eyes widen, but you nod and hurry after him. 

As you two are leaving, Vernon, Dokyeom, Seungkwan, and Soonyoung, catch a glimpse of you both walking out the front door. They watch as you disappear through it with Mingyu and Vernon groans. 

“You were the one who told her that he would be here,” Hoshi says, patting him on the back. 

“Uhm, actually,” Seungkwan’s hand came to rest on his hip, “That was you Soonyoungie.” 

Dokyeom laughs heartily and Vernon only groans louder, “That boy is gonna break her.” 

“It’ll be fine,” Dokyeom slurs a bit and they all look at him. 

“Maybe you should stop drinking,” Soonyoung warns, but the other boys protest. 

“No, that just means we need to drink more!” Seungkwan smiles goofily. 

Vernon nods slowly, “After seeing that, I definitely need more to drink.” 

Vernon pulls his phone out of his pocket and sees that you texted him. He smiles. At least he knows you’re physically safe. And that is the last time they worry about you that night, as they dissolve back into the party. 

While they are getting shit faced, you are trying to bite back all of your nervousness as you ride shotgun in Mingyu’s black sports car, on the way to god knows where, his large hand resting on your large thigh. 

He looks over to you with his beautiful lopsided smile and you can’t help but smile back, “Where to kitten?” 

Mustering all of the courage you can, you reply, “Wherever you wanna take me.” 

His tongue runs across his bottom lip as he looks from the road to you and back again. 

“I like that you trust me so much already,” he purrs. 

You roll your eyes, “Don’t make me regret it Gyu.” You don’t know where the confidence is coming from, but you are thankful for it. 

He chuckles and rolls down the windows, his hand moving from your thigh to turn the radio up and then coming right back, only this time a little higher than before. 

You try to remain calm as your hair whips around in the wind, the stars cover the sky like a blanket and you surprisingly feel comfortable, even in your nervousness.


	34. Move In

“You should move,” he said. 

“Then you could have me a little east of you and him in your arms,” he winks at you playfully.

You laughs, “I wasn’t expecting that response.” 

Minghao laughs with you, “What response were you expecting?” 

You shrug and grab your coffee cup, holding it close to your chest, “I dunno, I figured you’d tell me it was a bad idea.”

He smiles softly at you, watching as you take a timid sip from your cup, “It’s a god awful idea y/n, but I know that you will do what you want in the end anyways, so I might as well support you.” 

You look around the dimly lit coffee shop as you mull over his words. 

“Plus, Jun is moving in soon, so it’s my job to convince you to move in with him, so that he’ll stop being so worried and get the fuck out asap.” 

You smiled wider and shook your head. That was true though. Minghao’s boyfriend would be moving into Mingyu’s old room soon and you were the whole reason that Mingyu even began to feel confident enough to get his own place. But just as Mingyu was beginning to pick up confidence, you were slowly losing it. 

The two of you had been together for a year now, but the past was not completely gone from your memory. Mingyu was a wild card and while you loved him infinitely and felt as though he loved you too, sometimes you couldn’t be sure what type of love it was. 

On the other hand, Minghao went from loving you, to loving you happy, to loving being your friend and that is when he found Jun. He had been almost nervous to tell you they had begun dating, but when he did, your face lit up. You were so happy for him and for some reason that just made everything feel so much more… Right. Now he and Jun were inseparable and it felt right to move in together, especially when life was changing for everyone. 

So when Mingyu came and asked him to help convince you to stay with him, it felt like one big cosmic message from the universe and of course, he would be there to fix things, if Mingyu fucked up again. 

“Y/n, I think this is a step you should take. It will be good for both of you, honestly.” His hand reached out to touch yours. You looked to meet his gaze and nodded. 

“I guess you’re right,” you sigh and put your cup down, “Well, I better go tell him and start packing.” 

Minghao smiled as he watched you get up from your seat, leaving your half of the check and an almost full cup of coffee. Change had always been harder for you than it was for most, but if he thought this was the right decision, maybe it really was. Not to mention, when had you ever said no to Mingyu?


	35. The End

“When did you decide that you had fallen in love with me?” 

His voice came out in a raspy whisper, as if the words had to claw their way from the bottom of his throat. For some reason he was nervous about what your response would be. You laid there silently next to him, deep in thought. You’d loved him for so long that pinpointing the exact moment was difficult. As your silence stretched on he spoke again. 

“I remember the exact moment that I realised I was in love with you,” though it was an intimate topic, neither of you looked at the other. 

“I didn’t think you were the type to keep up with things like that,” you whispered, as if you were scared to wake up the darkness that surrounded you both.

“I’m not,” he swallowed thickly, “but when I’m with you, I think I become a different person.” 

Again you were both silent. You stared up at the ceiling trying to make out the shape and speed of the ceiling fan, as if the words you wanted to say were going to be tucked under each spinning plastic blade. 

“We were in the kitchen of your apartment, it had to be like 3AM. You were wearing one of my t-shirts and dancing around to the playlist you’d made for me. I came over because I couldn’t sleep. I let myself in and couldn’t help but just stand there in the doorway of the kitchen watching you. You looked so carefree and beautiful. I think the scared look on your face when you noticed me will be in my brain forever,” he chuckled to himself and a small smile pulled at the corner of your lips, “you were so angry that I scared you, but when I asked what you were doing you got all shy. When I finally convinced you to tell me you said that you were baking cookies for me for our anniversary.” 

The smile on his face turned sad, “I had forgotten all about our anniversary, but you didn’t, you never did. It was such a meaningful thing and I didn’t know how to react. I told you immediately that I hadn’t remembered and you said that you knew that already and that it was okay because I was there right then and that was all you ever needed. Just for me to be there. No one had ever said anything like that so genuinely to me before and really meant it. I was at a loss for words. Then, boom. Right in that moment I realised that I never wanted to let you go. There in that moment where the only light was from the overhead above your stove and the moon through your window. Your messy hair, the flour you’d managed to get on your face and the shirt, the sleepiness that was so obvious, all of it just made you look so fucking gorgeous. It was all so overwhelming.” 

Mingyu’s chest rose and fell as if he were overwhelmed all over again, the feeling sinking deep into his bones. He was grateful that you weren’t cuddled up to him because then you’d be able to hear how aggressively his heart hammered against his chest, as if it were being jump started. He fought the urge to look at you, he knew he’d start crying if he did. 

You processed his words silently, letting them wash over your body, wondering why, despite everything, the chills rolled across you from head to toe. Wondering why you still had the ache in your heart. 

“I don’t think I ever fell in love with you.” 

You said it so matter-of-factly that you were almost shocked.

“It wasn’t something that happened all at once,” you clarified cautiously, “As soon as I saw you for the first time, I mean really saw you, I felt like something shifted inside of me. I wasn’t in love, I was moving towards love. Nothing was instantaneous. Every time I saw you, every time we spoke, or touched, I moved closer and closer to love. Each time your hand brushed against mine, from when you told me I was the most gorgeous girl you’d ever seen, told me how I was your ‘pretty little secret’ up to when you finally claimed me as your outwardly… All of that led me down this path of loving you.” 

You took a deep breath and tried to calm the sadness that was beginning to prickle behind your eyes, “I don’t remember the falling, I remember the sinking. The feeling of one day being fully enveloped in my love for you. Thinking about how I would only ever love you more each and every time I looked at you. Being by your side was one of the best things that had ever happened to me.” 

You sniffled and laughed dryly, “But all good things must come to an end right?” 

This time Mingyu was quiet. His heart was shattering and splintering inside his chest, the world was closing in around him and for the first time ever, he couldn’t keep it from happening. The darkness of the room seemed to become sentient, wrapping its sharp tendrils around his wordlessly grieving figure. You’d never sounded so final, so fed up. 

“Yeah,” he cleared his throat quietly, “an end.”


	36. I Didn't Want to Come Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i like some of the dialogue in this chapter, but i don't really like the chapter all together... it just... idk i don't think i rock with it.

“Oh, for fucks sake y/n,” Mingyu groaned, annoyed. 

You were already emotional. Already sad and frustrated and that tipped you over the edge. 

“Well excuse the fuck out of me Mingyu, for being fucking worried about how I look,” you yelled.

He clenched his fists as they hung at his sides, “No one else is fucking worried about it y/n, literally no one else gives a fat shit.” 

“Of course they don’t! Because no one else but me is fat! I’m the fat one.” 

“The only thing you are is dramatic! No one cares about how you look, they don’t and I don’t, I never have! Why does this always get taken out on me?” 

“I’m not,” you scream before lowering your voice, defeated, “I’m not trying to take it out on you.” 

Mingyu brings a hand to his face, massaging the bridge of his nose, he lets out a deep sigh, “I’m just really tired of having this conversation with you.” 

“Yea, you’re right. I’m sorry. Just,” you lean your head back trying to blink away your tears, “just let me go get dressed and we can go.” 

“Thank you,” he smiles softly and you nod before turning around and walking back into the bathroom. 

He bought you a dress, it was tighter than you’d normally like and your confidence was something that came and went in waves of existence. You didn’t mind wearing it just for him, but when he’d asked you to wear it to this supposedly very important frat party, your confidence evaporated. The thought of all of the pretty cheerleaders and normal college girls with their perfect, thin bodies seeing you in this dress had you nauseous, but then coupled with the fact that other sports team members would see you, college jocks, you thought you might collapse into a heap on the floor. When you brought this up to Mingyu he got frustrated. He loved you how you were, so why wasn’t that enough? 

You sighed and tried to calm your thoughts as you shimmied into the dress. Your eyes purposefully avoided the reflection in the mirror as you walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom to slip on your shoes. 

When you were completely dressed you met Mingyu by the front door. He complimented you genuinely, his eyes shimmering, and you did your best to enthusiastically accept his kindness. 

A little less than an hour later you were at the party. It was definitely in full swing, since you and Gyu had shown up fashionably late. For most of the night you clung to his side unabashedly. You avoided direct eye contact with anyone other than him and his teammates. For the most part you weren’t having a bad time and eventually, a few drinks in, you’d began to forget your lingering worry and self consciousness. 

You stood with Mingyu and the rest of the boys and their dates in a back corner. Noticing your cup was empty, you excused yourself for the first time that night. Mingyu smiled down at you and told you to hurry back lest you get swept away by another man. You shooed him off with a big grin and winked at you before returning to the conversation at hand. 

You shuffled through the crowds of people as quickly as you could and finally you reached the kitchen, as you filled your cup with what the boys called “rocket punch”, you heard a dramatic laugh behind you. Ignoring it as you continue to fill your glass.

As you stop the spigot on the container holding your drink, you feel a hand fall on your shoulder and your body goes rigid. 

“Y’know, that drink has a ton of calories,” the person attached to the hand spoke. 

You turned to look at her and instantly you wished you could disappear.

“She’s right, you could have at least gone for the vodka.” 

You look to the right and see another reason to literally evaporate. Leave it to Irene and Mina to sniff you out at a party and ruin your whole mood. Irene was a bitter ex of Mingyu’s and Mina was her ever loyal lapdog. 

You were never one to back down from a confrontation like this, but it couldn’t have been worse timing, “Can I help you two?” 

They both laugh dryly, “Oh no honey, we’re here to help you,” Irene says mockingly.  
“I actually think I’m just fine,” you snip. 

Mina looks you up and down and fake gags into her hand before speaking, “I guess fine is one way to put it.” 

Her and Irene laugh at their shitty idea of a joke and you decided that you’d had enough. As you try to walk out of the kitchen they follow you. 

“Hey we weren’t done talking,” Irene calls out over the music, turning a few heads. 

“You might not have been, but I sure was,” you answer coolly. 

Before you can do or say anything else, Mina is reaching out and smacking the bottom of your cup making it spill down the front of your dress. 

“Oops.” Is all she says before her and Irene begin laughing. 

You stare at them incredulously, “Yo, what the fuck?” you exclaim loudly. More people are definitely looking now, but all you see is red. 

“Woah chill out,” Irene says, “Don’t pigs normally eat out of troughs on the ground anyways? Shouldn’t this just be more comfortable for you?” 

Mina keeps the joke going, “Yea, plus carrying around all that extra weight must be very tiring, at least when you’re on the ground cleaning that up, you’ll be able to give your poor back a break.” 

“Oh suck my fucking dick,” you reply snarkily, “I can’t help that Mingyu left you for a fat bitch.” 

“You just got lucky, he must have felt like doing some charity work on the day you asked him,” Irene spat, her face red with anger. 

“He didn’t seem to fucking upset when he grabbing on all this fatness,” you spit back, “In fact I specifically remember him telling me how much better I could take him than you could.” 

“Fuck you,” Irene screamed. 

“Sorry I’m a bit busy fucking Mingyu.”  
The people surrounding you were all watching in shock, long ago having formed a circle around the scene. Some were egging the two of you on, Mina was holding Irene back, and from the other side of the room Mingyu was just beginning to push to the front of the crowd. He had barely caught what Irene said, but he heard you loud and clear. 

Irene pushed Mina’s hands away from her and crossed the circle, the two of you were nothing more than a foot apart, “I’d fight you, but I wouldn’t want to be crushed under your ginormous fucking body. I feel bad that anyone has to see you naked, but especially Mingyu. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have to pretend to find you attractive just so he can get off. Why don’t you tell him that whenever he’s ready to fuck someone who weighs less than 400 lbs, I’ll be waiting.” 

You stared at her as she turned around and pushed through the circle of spectators, Mina following right behind her. You did your best to fight back the tears and as you turned around you ran directly into Mingyu’s chest. You looked up at him before quickly pushing past him and heading directly for the front door. 

You ignored him as he called after you. He didn’t catch up with you until you were already walking out the front door. Following you out, he grabbed your wrist to stop you. 

“Hey, I’m-” 

“Just save it Mingyu,” you cut him off, looking up at him, he watched as the tears rolled down your face, “I told you I didn’t want to come here, I told I hated how I looked in this dress, and I told you that it wasn’t just in my head, but I came here anyways and look what happened. Now I get to go home feeling like a piece of shit. I hope you have a good night and a fun time. I’m going to uber back to the apartment and don’t worry, I won’t be waiting up for you.” 

You snatched your hand away from his and walked to the end of the driveway. Mingyu watched as you pulled out your phone and requested for the uber, he watched as you wrapped your arms around your chest, shivering, and then he turned around and walked back into the party.


	37. See Me

Tired. Tired was the best word you could think of to describe how you felt. When you became friends with Mingyu, in between all the making out and long rides to nowhere, you knew you had feelings. He knew too. He knew how you felt and sometimes he felt the same and sometimes he just felt sorry for letting you feel so strongly about him. 

Mingyu also knew that there was a high chance that he’d completely fall for you and an even higher chance that this would all blow up in his face, so when you started to cry he wasn’t surprised. 

Of course, the two of you had the discussion long ago that he wasn’t looking for anything and you did your best to keep your feelings in check. Working hard to keep the relationship normal and casual, telling yourself every night that it was just a friends with benefits situation, ignoring the pang in your heart any time he would walk away to take a call or cancel plans because he was “sick” or “busy”, but this was the final straw. 

“Do you see me?” you whisper, tears already beginning to stream down your face. Normally you’d wipe them away and give him some false smile, but this time you don’t care. He stands in silence, watching you weep on the couch below him, his face resembles something like confusion. 

“Do you fucking see me?” You scream, you look up at him and his heart shatters. You can no longer tell whether the tears are from anger or anguish, just that your heart hurt. 

He hated seeing you like this, hated watching you break, hated knowing that it was because of him. 

“Of course I do,” he mumbles and takes a step closer to you. You stand up and go to walk away, but he grabs your wrist and pulls you into his chest. 

Mingyu holds you tightly as you flail in his arms, the punches you are trying to land are weak and eventually whittle away to nothing as your balled up fists choose to latch onto the fabric of his shirt instead. Sobs wrack your body as you cling to him. Mingyu leans down, burying his face into the crook of your neck, squeezing your soft body a little tighter. 

“Of course I see you, I’ve lost the ability to look anywhere else.”


	38. Dreams

“I dreamt about you last night,” he mumbled, squeezing his arms around your soft midsection. 

“Oh did you?” Your reply is laced with sleepiness, which you think is vaguely ironic for the conversation topic.

Mingyu chuckles softly, his head resting on top of your own, “Yea, I did, I was standing in the middle of this busy road, somewhere, in some city,” 

“Super vague, okay,” you mumble over him as he smirks and keeps talking. 

“And it was raining. And I looked across the street, through the dozens of cars zooming by, ‘nd saw you. We made eye contact and you started walking towards me,” his grip tightens, “through the traffic, as if you didn’t care if the cars hit you.” 

You opened your eyes to the darkness of the room, eyebrows furrowing as he buried his nose into your hair, “I was calling out your name, but everything was too loud. You stopped halfway in the road and gave me this real sad smile,” you think you hear him sniffle, but you don’t say anything, instead opting to rest your hands on his arms that were squeezing you, “without even thinking I ran to grab you and as soon as reached you and pulled you into my chest, everything disappeared. I stared up at the moon and stars and let the rain hit me, and I held you,” Mingyu’s voice was a whisper now, muffled by the top of your head, “As the moon and stars faded away and in to the distance, we were left in this empty space, but when I turned to you my whole universe beamed, everything got brighter and then..”

Mingyu released his grip, pulling his body away from yours, “And then you disappeared, right out of my arms.” 

“Gyu?” you questioned as you felt him shifting in bed beside you. Rolling over to face him, you try and pull him back to you, but he is already sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“What are you doing?” He stands and walks to the bedroom door, you sit up in confusion, and when he leaves the room you follow him. 

“Wait,” you call out after him, your voice lowering as you watch him tug on his shoes, “Where are you going?” it comes out in a whisper, he tugs on his beaten up letterman jacket, your hands grip at the end of his long t-shirt that you’re wearing. 

“I gotta,” he unlocks the door and looks back at you quickly, before stepping into the hallway, “I think I gotta go for tonight.” 

And then he did and you were left standing in the living room of your apartment, alone, in his shirt, wondering why a stupid dream meant so damn much to him.


	39. Happy Holidays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a/n- i hope you guys have a wonderful holiday! here is a little short to celebrate the “christmas spirit” (whatever tf that means). hope you get a little giggle out of it.

“Now before you even say anything, I know that you hate the holidays and the lights, blah blah blah consumerism and fueling the wealthy, but” he pauses dramatically taking a deep breath, “will you please, for one night, humor me and do this very romantic couple thing with me?” 

You look up at him from your desk chair, his eyes sparkling with expectation and you sigh and smile softly, closing your notebook. 

A smile widens on his face, “Is this a yes? This looks like the beginning signs of a yes!” 

“It is a possible yes, only because you rarely ever want to do romantic couple things,” you tease and he rolls his eyes playfully. 

“I am very romantic!” He exclaims. 

“Yea and I’m 125 pounds,” you retort. 

His hands find your plush sides and he pulls you from your chair, squeezing your soft body to his toned one, “God I hope not,” he mumbles with a smirk and you swat at his arm incredulously.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help that I like my girls extra plushy,” he says with a shrug as he pulls away from you, “But that isn’t the point! My super romantic plan begins at 5 pm sharp.” 

“Aye aye captain, what is the method of attack?” 

“Well first, we go to Walmart,” your eyebrow quirks up but he keeps talking, “and we get matching onesies,” you hum, “Okay?” “then,” he continues, “we get tons of good snacks, load up in the car,” he starts picking up speed as he talks, his excitement getting the best of him, “drive to the suburbs and look at all their lights and listen to good music and then come back here and watch The Grinch, cuddle, fall asleep in one another's arms.” 

Mingyu looks down at you for plan confirmation to find you already smiling up at him, “Can we steal some of the Walmart stuff?” 

“You’ve been hanging around Jihoon too much,” he mumbles. You stare at one another intently until finally he caves with a sigh, holding up his fingers to show the numbers, “For every two snacks you can steal one, but if we get caught I’m pretending I don’t know you.” 

“Yes!” you exclaim quietly in victory and he shakes his head in discontent. 

“C’mon Gyu! It’s a Walmart and they are all big companies and corporations, are they really gonna miss one box of chocolate covered granola bars?” 

“Let’s go weirdo, put your shoes on, we have plans that begin in thirty minutes,” he does his best to hide his smile, but the corners of his lips betray his intentions. 

“Yes, Daddy,” you say walking past him and out the bedroom door. He stops in his tracks and watches you walk out. 

“Low blow!” Mingyu calls after you, his face heating a bit as he hears your giggle from the living room. 

You were gonna be the death of this man.


	40. Your Idea of Me

“You’re so weird, you swear you’re done with me, but just so happen to pop back into my life when I start to move on!” 

“I am over you, y/n! I just- I can’t stand the thought of you with someone else either,” his eyes never meet yours, their gaze on the table. 

“What the actual fuck is wrong with you Mingyu? I’m not your property! I’m not your charity case! I’m not some girl in need of your love or assistance. You keep forgetting that I’m an actual person and not just some stupid fucking concept you made up in your head.” Your eyes bored in to him as you speak, your voice getting progressively louder, “I’m living and breathing and I’m so sorry that the way I do that isn’t as perfect or pretty as you think it should be. I’m sorry that it doesn’t include you any more. I’m sorry that I can’t be as wonderful as the version of me that you created in your head. I spent so long trying to be that.” 

Mingyu finally looks up at you, his eyes sympathetic. He opens his mouth to speak but you cut him off, “When you left for the god knows what time, I had to search through all of the mess of myself for the broken pieces that I couldn’t even remember because I’d worked so hard to build a different me that was fitting of your narrative.” 

“You are beautiful, y/n! You’re wonderful.” 

“Are you fucking daft Mingyu?! Is that what you think I want to hear right now, that you think I’m beautiful?” 

He panics a bit, “No! I just-” 

“You just what?” Your voice loud and angry, “Thought you could deflect this by making me feel like you actually looked at me, just like how you used to? Thought I’d just accept your compliment and then calm down and be complacent like I was before? Well I won’t. Fuck you and fuck your shitty narrative and your even shittier apologies and I hope,” you pause and take a deep breath, realizing the scene you were causing in this restaurant that was far fancier than anyplace you ever wanted to be. Quieting your voice you continue, “I hope you live a happy life somewhere far as fuck away from me.” 

You slide carefully out of the booth, flatten down your skirt, and walk out of the restaurant, leaving Mingyu sitting at the table with only his thoughts.

**Author's Note:**

> please eventually leave me feedback. i would be forever grateful.


End file.
